Dirty Little Secret
by Stay Country
Summary: Elizabeth Mathews has got a secret. She's hidden it for quite sometime, but as events in her life threaten the silent sanctuary she's created around herself, the tales begin to slowly unravel. And as secrets are revealed no one quite knows how to handle them. (In the process of being rewritten)
1. Dirty Little Secret

**A/N: Hey, Lovelies! So, I'm in the process of rewriting this. At first, I was just going to create a whole new story, but then I realized that wasn't very sensible when I could just change the chapters in this one. That way, I could avoid new readers waiting for chapter updates. I have two other stories I'm working on right now and time is not something I have an abundant supply of.  
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**Anyways, if this is your first time reading, thanks!  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**The Outsiders.**_

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><p>If I was being honest, I was never really ashamed of what I was. Yeah, if my brother were to somehow find out my secret he would be so disappointed in me, but I enjoyed what I did.<p>

When I was in pain from my stepfather beating me, it was all I had to do to forget for the night. I got money and it helped pay the bills that my drunken mother had never bothered to look at.

At least I could remember that I did not always look how I really acted. Well, thinking about it, I never really acted a _certain _way.

It was as if when the dark of night came over the city of Tulsa I became a whole new person.

If you were friends with me in the daytime, you would know that I was very quiet and reserved. I was not very pretty during the day. I wore a little makeup, but it never did much. My hair was plain, brown and straight. It reached my shoulders.

Sometimes my brother would bother me; saying I paid as much attention to my looks as he did to going sober. My brother got on my nerves a lot, but I put with him because he cared about me and I guess you could say that was a rarity.

"Lizzy!" I heard my brother, Two-bit, yell from inside the house. I had been out front, sitting on the porch, enjoying my own company. I sighed.

"Yes Keith?" I replied to him. I heard some shuffling around in the house and then he walked out onto the porch. He was glaring at me and I smiled innocently. That was about the only thing that made people know Two-bit and I were related. We could both hide the truth too easily for our own good.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Well, I was gonna see if ya' wanted to head over to the Curtis', but now I ain't so sure," he spoke, crossing his arms over his chest.

I laughed. "You know I'm just yankin' yer' chain. Jeez, you don't gotta be such a baby." When I said the words I was calm, but in truth I was worried. I actually really _did _need to get away from the house. I hated home. I was sure Two-bit didn't realize my hatred for something that should have been a security. So, I never said anything to him about it.

Of course, there was a ton of stuff I never told Two-bit about.

He relaxed his arms and grinned. "So you comin'?"

I nodded quickly. "Yeah, ain't like there's stuff to do around here."

"Well then hurry up kid," He ruffled my hair and I swatted his hand away.

"I ain't a kid." It was true. I was fifteen, not really considered to be a kid. But, sadly for me, Two-Bit did not always see the difference between the words 'younger' and 'kid'.

For instance, I was not his 'younger' sister. I was most definitely and undoubtedly his 'kid' sister, also known as his _baby _sister. I shuddered at the word. I was nowhere near a baby at night.

"Well sure ya' are. I mean, look at ya'. You're as tiny as a twig," He said, holding my arm up. I ripped it away and rolled my eyes. He laughed his obnoxious laugh as I walked to get dressed.

I walked up our crooked steps up to where my room was on the right. I went inside and closed the door behind me.

My room was very girly. The last time I'd gotten it decorated I'd been five and in _love_ with Princesses. That was a pretty horrible phase too, because Two-bit and the rest of his friends would make fun of me about it. I never complained about them making fun anymore, though. I just wasn't that kind of person in the day.

I was normally quiet, unless it was just Two-bit and I. I didn't really have many friends at school, but that was fine by me. As I have mentioned before, I am pretty reserved as it is. Being alone doesn't bother me as much as an introverted lifestyle may do to others.

I wasn't too smart either, but there was no one to care about that.

I walked over to my pink dresser that had purple flowers scattered about it. I groaned slightly and reached in, pulling out a blue floral skirt that had once been my mom's and a white t-shirt. I pulled out a sweater because I knew it was supposed to get cold.

As I pulled out the blue sweater I thought quietly of my dad- my real dad. I had seen the sweater at his sister's house when I was younger and wanted it. I had been too small then, but he gave it to me anyways. He passed on a year later.

Now it was my mom, Two-bit, my stepdad and I living together. And let me just say, that my stepdad was a bundle of lollipops and sweets. I hope my sarcasm was noted.

I went over to my vanity and ran a brush through my hair, knowing that if I put any more effort into how I looked than usual then people might start asking questions. I hated questions. Well, the daytime me did.

"Liz, get your ass down here or I'm leavin' without you!" Two-Bit's obnoxious voice rang through the house. I gave myself an annoyed look in the mirror before heading towards my door.

I walked downstairs where Two-bit looked really impatient. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Would you calm down?" I asked him, annoyed.

He shook his head. "Liz, I don't appreciate your lollygagging."

I stared at him as if were crazy. "You did not just say lollygagging. Who _are _you?"

He gave me a shit-eating grin. "I'm Two-Bit Mathews. Now move ass, baby sister." He gave me a shove out the door and I growled a little at him as I almost tripped down the steps, luckily he caught me.

"Two-bit-" I was about to yell at him, but he cut me off.

"Always the clumsy one, aren't we, little sister?"

I wasn't sure what to say back so I just gave up, crossing my arms over my chest. I walked with Two-bit, ignoring his small chuckle at my defeat.

"Wanna hear a joke?" Two-bit asked as we walked down the streets. He stuffed his hands deep in his jean pockets. I shook my head.

"No," I replied to him pretty quickly. He pouted and I smirked at him.

It was pretty chilly that afternoon, but I never liked complaining. I had stopped complaining around people I knew a long time ago.

"_Momma, I hate him! He's so mean!" I exclaimed in frustration. She was not listening to me. No one ever listened to me._

_I watched her cross her arms over her chest and look down at me. At ten I was small. There was no denying it. She looked ready to back-hand me._

"_Young lady, I don't wanna hear another word about it unless you want a sore backside. Yer' getting' on my last nerve and I'm about done with it!" she replied. _

_I gulped at the threat because I knew it was one with a possible follow through. I just didn't like my stepdad. He was a jerk. I had known since the day I met him that I would never like him. He was scary and big. Not to mention, he didn't like me anyways. _

_My mother uncrossed her arms and relaxed a little. "Besides, he's your father. You need to treat him with respect."_

_I felt my heart pierce with pain. My father had passed away a year ago. I'd been so close to my dad and then he just….died. Gone forever. I still cried about him all the time. I wasn't really sure if Two-bit knew I still cried, but I didn't really want him to because he would just end up calling me a baby._

_I must have been feeling a bit defiant that day, because I snapped back at her. "There's no way in hell he's my father!" I exclaimed, emphasizing the point by pointing my finger at my chest. "And nobody's gonna tell me different!"_

_"Young lady you better stop talking like that or I swear I will smack you so hard-" She was cut off by my step dad walking into the room._

_I turned and looked at him. He was not that big of a guy, but to a ten year old I guess every adult male seemed pretty big. At the time he seemed huge. I hated him with all my heart and soul. I scowled at him, but all he did was smirk._

_He actually frightened me very much, but back then I didn't like showing others I was scared. I was not fully aware of the consequences of not showing fear when I was younger._

_Whether I was forcing back my fear or not, my breath still caught in my throat as he stepped closer to me._

_He lifted my chin up with his finger and looked me straight in the eye. It caused shivers to run up my spine and I felt queasy._

_"This girl causin' you trouble?" He asked, in a low, rumbly voice. Fear finally started to take its toll on me and I waited for my mom's reply. It was eerily quiet for the next few seconds. If I am telling you the truth, those seconds felt like hours._

_"Well….actually…."_

_"Ma!" I complained, turning to face her. Immediately Jack whipped my head back to face him by my chin. The way my neck had snapped hurt and a lone tear trailed down my cheek. _

_He glared at me. "Your mother was speakin', little girl, and I advise you listen to her," He said in a deathly voice. My eyes were filled with fear and at the moment my words seemed to be stuck somewhere with my breathing. "You better answer me." He said low as he squeezed his fingers a little tighter on my chin._

_I whimpered, but slowly nodded my head up and down._

_He growled and then nodded towards my mother to continue. She smiled at him like he was the most amazing person on earth. I almost gagged, but decided that was probably not the best idea at the moment._

_"Well, she was complainin'." My mother started, with a heavy sigh. "She was sayin' how you were mean and we needed to leave."_

_Jack's fingers tensed around my chin even more. Tears started to fall. This was not going well._

_"Well, then I think me and her are gonna have a little talk if you don't mind, sweetheart. I want her to know what happens when you ain't respectful of your elders," Jack said. He smirked at me real hard. My mother smiled at him. _

_She nodded her head. "That's a great idea Jack," My mother said and she walked out of the room._

_At that point I tried to pull myself away. The only person who had ever laid a hand on me was my father and he had never done it from anger. I had always deserved it and it was never abuse. I was always fine the next day._

_A feeling rising in my gut told me that with Jack, this was not the case._

_As soon as Jack realized my plan to escape, he slapped me hard across the face. Tears started to pour more and more from my eyes as the stinging sensation did not end._

_"You think you're just so cute," He said to me, as he pushed me onto the ground. I yelped in pain, but my mother had closed the door, no one would hear me. He kicked me in my side and I heard something crack. I screamed out._

_"Please….stop…" I choked out between tears. He laughed. I really did not think anything about the situation was funny. He kicked me again and I heard another crack. I screamed again, but I was sure no one would be coming to my rescue._

"_Oh, no. I don't think so." He bent down close to me. "Ya' know what my daddy used to do to me? He used to break a leg off of a chair, and hit me until I was black and blue all over. You want me to do that to you? Is that what I gotta do in this house to get you to respect me?"_

_I shook my head no and tried, unsuccessfully, to crawl away. "I'm sorry."_

"_Oh I know you're sorry." He stood up and I watched as he started to unbuckle his belt. "But you're gonna be a hell of a lot sorrier after this."_

_Needless to say, I wasn't going to be complaining for a very long time. _

"Hey, Lizzy! You still in there?" I felt a knock on my head as I quickly shook out of my memory.

I looked around and saw that we had reached the Curtis place. Everyone was staring at me and I could feel my face go several shades darker. I hated attention. Well, that was ironic, considering what I would be doing later that night.

Of course, I was a different person at night.

I realized Soda had been the one who had caught my attention. I waved to all of them and smiled awkwardly.

"Hi?"

"Wow, you were like off in your own little world or somethin'." Pony laughed. My face turned even redder and my awkward smile left my face.

Then Dally laughed. "Jesus, kid, you think you could look any more like a tomato?" He said and he really didn't sound like he was trying to be funny.

I glared. I really didn't like Dally, but I was sure the feeling was mutual.

"Aw, leave her alone you guys. She ain't gonna wanna come back once you're done tormenting her," Soda said, smiling towards me slightly. I smiled back.

"Soda, you only say that cause ya' like her," Steve taunted. Soda lunged for him and Steve dodged. My cheeks just grew with redness.

Truth be told, I really did like Soda. Except, it was one of those awkward crushes where it was my brother's friend and I knew he would _never _think of me the same way. He was perfect and I was…well…I was just Lizzy. I would always be just Lizzy.

Anyways, with all the nightly activities I had been getting into lately there was no way he would go for me. Not in heaven, or once hell froze over, or when pigs started flying or once any other cliché sayings happened.

"Ah, sis. Don't be embarrassed. We only make fun of you because we love you!" Two-bit said, his obnoxious laughter showing again. I rolled my eyes. Yeah, that's it.

"So what do ya'll wanna do? It's gonna be dark soon," Steve said from his spot on the couch. No one answered. They all looked around to see if anyone else had an idea.

I shrugged, like I normally do, as did Johnny and Pony. Apparently, no one had any thoughts.

"You guys might as well just stick around. Dinner's almost ready anyways," Darry told us, walking into the room. We all decided that was the best idea, since we were hungry.

I didn't really talk to anyone as we waited for Darry to call us in. I just sort of sat and piped in when I had an opinion or when someone asked me a question.

I sometimes wished I hung out with more girls. So then I could talk about girl things. I had told the Soda this once and he asked me why I didn't just hang out with my mom. In reply I started laughing and told him I wouldn't hang out with my mom if we were the last two people on earth.

He thought it was weird I didn't like my mom. I mean, I felt bad acting like that because his was…well…dead. But, I'd been through a lot too. There just did not happen to be a lot of people who knew about it.

And really, the only person I ever loved was my dad. I hated to say it, but I didn't even love Two-bit. Sure I liked him a whole lot, but all my love had gone to my dad and I didn't want to give any of it away.

"Dinners ready!"

I snapped out of my thoughts again as I stood up. I walked into the dining room last. I sat down between Soda and Two-bit. I got the smallest portion of food, as usual. Not that I minded, though, because I was never really hungry.

I watched the clock as we ate. I knew I'd have to leave soon to go to my 'job'.

"Where ya' goin'?" Soda asked as I started to head out the door. I groaned internally. Lie. Lie now Elizabeth Matthews. Think of a lie…

"Oh, I'm just a little tired, I'm gonna head home."

Soda nodded and smiled at me. "Well, see ya' later."

"See ya'." I headed out the door. It was time for my dirty little secret.

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><p><strong>AN: Again, I'm in the process of editing these chapters. Obviously, I'll let you know through my authors notes which ones have been updated. So, yep.  
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**~Emily**


	2. Up in The Club

**Second chapter has been rewritten! Yay for late Saturday nights with nowhere to go! (Only because I can't drive…).**

**Warning: The rewritten version of this is definitely more mature than the original. It works better. It just gets more in depth with Lizzy. Just warnin' ya'.**

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><p>Hank Williams was playing throughout the building as I slowly made my way into Buck's Tavern. There were people all around me- mostly highschoolers, but I spotted a few younger ones sitting towards the back as they awkwardly held their punch cups and tried to not make too much of a disturbance.<p>

I looked around for Buck. Once I spotted him I noticed the little blonde on his lap. Her skirt was above her mid-thigh and her top looked ready to pop. Girls around our town dressed like that when they came from families like ours, though. I mean, I tried not to be too risqué, but I also had an older brother to worry about when it came to my attire.

At the moment, I looked a lot like that girl and I was happy that my face was caked in makeup.

It was different for greasers and it hurt when people would make jabs at the way we looked or acted, but then some of us would get hacked off and beat them senseless. Well, the boys would anyways and none of their jibes would matter any longer.

I shook my drifting mind back to reality as I waltzed up to Buck and the girl.

Personally, I was not a huge fan of him, but he let me use his place to do my job. So if putting up with Buck meant getting the money and pleasure I needed, then so be it.

He gave me a once over, checking me out. He did this a lot to the girls who worked here. Once I was talking to him and he said that he liked to make us feel _special _by giving us that attention. I knew that was a load of bull, but technically he was my boss so I couldn't really voice my opinions on it.

Buck licked his lips. The girl on his lap was sucking on his neck so she didn't notice. I sighed.

"Ya' ready?" Buck said to me, smiling at my appearance. I awkwardly swayed a little at his stare but kept my composure and nodded. He smirked and gestured with his hand. I followed it to where I would soon be and felt my body tense. "Then get it on girly."

I rolled my eyes and decided it would be okay to scowl at him. He just shrugged his shoulders and started swapping spit with the girl on his lap. I watched him grip her breast and saw the nervous expression that crossed the girl's face. I suddenly felt bad. She was younger than I was. Buck was in his twenties. Yeah, I suddenly felt _very _bad for her.

I walked over to the floor. Right out in the middle of it stood a small stage and on that stage, stood a pole that reached the ceiling. That was how I started my nights and where most of my money came from. Of course, that depended on the night.

I slowly walked over to it and grabbed onto it with my left hand. I had already grabbed some peoples' attentions and a few of them were nudging their friends. A feeling of worry came over me at all their stares, but then I remembered who I was at night. I wasn't little Lizzy Mathews who couldn't catch a boy to save her life. No, I was Elizabeth Mathews, the girl who had all the men drooling over her as she danced up and down a pole.

I smirked at them and there was a cat call.

_See, they like confidence, _I thought to myself, _You could have a field day with these slobs when you fake confidence._

I quickly brought myself closer to the pole so I was up against it. I got a few more eyes, but the majority of the attention still wasn't on me. That would change, though. I flipped my hair back a little with my right hand and smiled slyly.

A guy looked towards me. He was about the only sober-looking guy in here. I winked towards him and he smirked at me. He took a swig of his beer in his hand. I just smiled and decided to finally let the real show start. I needed the money. My _family _needed the money.

I slowly slid myself down the pole as more people surrounded me. A few more people whistled and I just shook my head. How I could not take this kind of attention in the day I would never know. Because, at these moments, there was something about it that gave me a feeling. I wasn't sure what it was, but I felt better.

I twirled back up and kept my back to the pole. I held on with my arms above me, keeping a tight grip on the familiar object. I lifted my left leg up and around the pole. Once my leg was tightly gripped I whipped around and let go. I grabbed it again with my hands so I was facing the pole again.

My heart pounded as I got more and more into the dancing. Guys would throw money at me and I would shove it into my leather jacket. It was fun, it always had been.

I twirled around the pole and slid down into the splits with only my hands holding on. That caused a lot of whistles to follow and I slowly pulled myself back up and winked at the crowd. I realized that most people were paying attention to me by now. I knew I was almost done dancing anyways. I had some money so all I had to do was finish the night.

I was in the middle of walking around the pole when a guy came up to me. I smirked at him.

"Hi," I said seductively. Well, it probably didn't come out as seductive as I would have hoped, but then again he was the first guy of the night. He grinned towards me and I saw him look around for a minute.

"Ya' know, a girl like you really deserves a little break," he said to me. I nodded and he smirked. "I can give you that."

I gave him a wink and he grabbed me by my hand, leading me to the next room. This was usually the next part of my night. Get with guys for the night and make myself feel wanted. We walked over to the couch and he sat down. I sat beside him.

"You're pretty damn hot." He said, coming up close to my ear. Several chills went up my spine and I randomly traced over his chest with my finger.

"Oh, babe, I already knew that," I teased him. This was it. The confidence I built up. I loved it. I wasn't sure how I did it, but I was wearing a mask and no one knew me. It was easy to change yourself when no one would ever know it was really you.

He gave me a curious look and I fake pouted, something I'd learned from Sylvia when she was with Dally. Now granted, Dally never once fell for the damn trick, but most guys did. "You're just gonna have to do better," I said, leaning in close to him.

"Okay then." He smirked. "You are the sexiest broad I've seen around and it would be an honor to get to know you better upstairs later tonight."

I smiled and nodded. "Atta' boy," I muttered.

He quickly came towards me and his lips crashed with mine. He was a rough kisser and his lips weren't soft or anything, not that I expected anything like that. I simply kissed him back with the same strength. It came pretty easily for me now.

He was very ungentle though, and he kept pushing me back onto the couch. I'd finally had enough of it and just straddled his lap. He apparently liked it because he suddenly had his hands roughly gripping my ass.

I rubbed my hands all over his back.

"Hey, baby." He started to catch his breath and look at me. "You wanna take this upstairs?"

I smirked at him, but shook my head. "Depends on what you want and how much money you've got."

He brought his head close to my ear. "I was thinkin' we would fuck."

I pushed him backwards. "And I was thinkin' you were decent."

He looked stunned for a moment before narrowing his eyes. "I thought I was payin' you for a good time?"

I got nervous for a second but gulped it down. "You are," I murmured into his ear as I slowly rubbed my hands down his back. "But not for sex, baby. I'll give you anything you want." I nibbled on his ear for a second. "But not that."

He seemed frustrated with my answer but nodded acceptingly. "Alright, then let's go."

He pulled me roughly off of him and then up off the couch towards the stairs. "You better be fuckin' good on your knees," he muttered and I almost pulled away.

I needed the money, though. We always needed the money.

I allowed him to pull me up the stairs and into a room. I did what he wanted and he paid me. I had to do it and I cried a little after.

He left the room afterwards, still angry that I hadn't fully given him what he wanted.

_He got enough, _I thought angrily.

The only reason I refused to go all the way with him was because I was still a virgin. He wouldn't have believed me if I told him. Hell, I barely believed myself, but it was true. The guys at Buck's could have me do anything to them, but I wouldn't give them what they always _really _wanted.

I was a virgin by choice. I wanted to wait. I did what I did at Buck's for money. Yes, it provided me some pleasure and I felt like a whole different person when dancing on the pole, but I wasn't Angela Shepard and I didn't give myself to every scumbag with a wallet.

I always felt angry after pleasuring someone. I always hated myself for a few hours. It eventually went away, though. Like most of my feelings it went away.

By the end of the night I'd made a good amount of money. It was around two in the morning and the place had no less people than when I got here. It was almost as if Buck was throwing a never ending party.

I sighed a little as I headed out the door. The streets were lit with the street lights and I started walking home. I wasn't too afraid of walking home by myself this late. I had done it plenty of times. I knew all the short cuts and back ways. Besides, most people were at a party or passed out in a ditch by this time. I'd never run into trouble before.

When I finally reached my house I walked around back and looked in the little box that I always kept my extra clothes in. I always put them on in case someone caught me sneaking in. I quickly slipped my blue skirt on and took off my leather jacket. I slipped on my sweater because I knew I'd be cold in my room for the rest of the night.

I slowly grabbed onto the gutter and climbed my way up, still holding my clothes I had on before.

Sometimes I wondered what would happen if someone did catch me. Of course, it would depend on that someone. If it was Two-Bit he'd probably tan my hide. He had no idea about this side of me and I knew he wouldn't like it one damn bit. If my mom found me, well, she'd probably be too drunk to even realize it was me at Buck's and she'd probably end up dancing with me.

Now, what I knew for a fact is that if Jack would happen to see me doing that he'd beat the living shit out of me and wait there, laughing as I died a slow, painful death. He was really a bucket of sunshine and rainbows.

I finished climbing up the creaky gutter and found myself running out of breath.

I shook my head and grabbed onto my window that was thankfully unlocked. Once I had forgotten to unlock it and spent the rest of my night in the backyard. Of course, it had rained and I only had put a T-shirt out to change into. Luckily for me, my mom and Jack had yet to come home and Two-Bit had been passed out on the couch until noon.

As I climbed through the window, I walked into my pink princess room and threw myself onto my bed, letting out a heavy sigh. I quickly took the money out of my jacket I'd carried up and set it in my secret stash in a book under my bed.

And that's how my night had gone. Alright, in my opinion.

As I tried to drift to sleep, though, I could hear my mom yelling at Two-Bit. She was definitely hacked off for some reason. I slowly got out of bed. I snuck down the hallway and listened carefully as I stood at the top of the stairs.

"Two-Bit, why don't you learn to get your head outta your sorry ass and think a little?" I heard her slur. She was definitely drunk, but that wasn't necessarily abnormal for our household. "You're eighteen for God's sake! Can't you think a little more?" she questioned.

_Like mother, like son, _I thought bitterly. She shouldn't have been yelling at Two-Bit. It wasn't fair.

"I didn't do a damn thing!" I bit my lip as Two-Bit said that. He probably shouldn't get mouthy. It wasn't the best idea in this house.

"Don't you dare talk to your mother that way, boy!"

Jack was home? I immediately started to pray. If there was a God out there then he needed to make an immediate pit stop at the Mathews household because it sounded like shit was about to hit the fan.

"You don't tell me how to talk to my own mother damn it!" Two-Bit yelled. "You ain't my God damn father. So quit actin' like it."

I dug my finger nails into my legs. Why did he do that? Why did he pester Jack like that? It only made him angrier.

"Keith, we know you took the beer! Stop acting like you don't have a clue!" My mother exclaimed. She obviously thought the situation was a serious matter when she pulled the _Keith_ card.

"I didn't take your God damn beer!"

_Bang!_

I heard something crash and I bit my bottom lip a little harder. Whatever that had been didn't sound too good. I heard some more profanities being said before I heard someone walk away from the kitchen.

I soon saw Two-Bit making his way up the steps. He was covering the left side of his face and I looked at him worriedly. I put my hand on his arm.

"Two-Bit are yo-"

"Just get away from me," he snapped, pushing me away. I looked at him sadly and went back to him again.

"But Two-"

"Just get away from me Lizzy!" He exclaimed to me loudly, but I wanted to make sure he was okay. Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why couldn't he just listen? He went into his room and I cracked his door open a little and peered in.

"Please Two-bit, I just wanna-"

"Jesus Christ, I said get the fuck away, Liz, and I mean it!" I felt like such a little kid when tears started falling, but I honestly couldn't help it. He was my brother. I wanted to help him. I quickly wiped my tears away.

"Whatever," I muttered quietly. I looked at him, but he wouldn't look back at me. I ran to my room, still crying.

God, I was such a crybaby sometimes. I slowly fell asleep, thinking about Jack. I hated that man with all my body. And I knew I always would because he was the only person who ever made Two-Bit act like a jerk.

And I hated that.

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><p><strong>AN: Aren't you proud of me for finally redoing this chapter? Haha! By the way, I saw Safe Haven yesterday. And I cried…lol. **

**Anyways, hope you liked this chapter if you're a first timer!**


	3. Ignorance

**Wow! Thanks for all my reviewers! You guys are the reasons I actually remember to write…..hahah….so thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I only own Lizzy, all other rights go to S.E. Hinton!**

I woke up the next morning to the slight sunlight, peering in from where my window curtain was cracked. I groaned and let out a yawn. I knew it was probably still early, maybe around eight. I stretched my arms out and sat up.

My room was a total mess. I had clothes thrown everywhere, more than half of them not even mine. Food was left around everywhere. The paint on my walls was chipped and looked like a golf ball had been thrown at it many times. I sighed and knew that one day I'd finally decide to clean it.

That day, though, was not today.

I walked over to my closet and threw on a pair of black skinny jeans. It was really warm in my room, so I put on a white tank with graffiti painting all over it. I still wasn't sure if I'd bought it that way or if someone had done it themselves.

I pulled my plain hair up into a messy bun and looked at myself in the mirror. Same old boring me, as always, stood there. I sighed and started walking out of my room.

Once I got to the hall I made sure to be quiet, just in case Jack was still there. I didn't hear anything so I crept downstairs. I walked into our small kitchen, soon realizing we had nothing to eat. I sighed as my stomach sent out a low growl.

I bit my lip, trying to decide what to do. I thought about getting something to eat, but then realized I had no way of getting there. Two-bit would get mad if I went that far without consulting him. I rolled my eyes at that thought. For God's sake I go to Buck's every freaking night! How is it that I'm worried about going to the Dingo during the morning?

I wasn't in the mood for greasy food anyways.

Then came a great thought: The Curtis'.

Of course I had to start thinking about my idea. I never usually went over there for breakfast, at least not without Two-bit. I didn't want them to think there was something up between Two-bit and I, even though there kind of was.

I was still sort of mad at Two-bit for yelling at me last night, or more upset then mad. I mean, I just wanted to help! I sighed and rubbed my temple with my index fingers.

I finally decided to go to the Curtis place. They welcomed everybody who was anybody, which guess included me. And truthfully, if Two-bit got mad about me leaving, then that could be his own problem.

I left the house and walked down the street to the Curtis'. There were a few Shepherd guys walking around who I recognized. None of them waved, or even said hi, just nodded their head, acknowledging my presence. Which is what I returned to them.

I finally reached the house and walked in. The Curtis place was a little less rowdy in the morning, but not much.

Pony was sitting, reading his book. Soda and Steve were already starting to arm wrestle. I could hear Darry in the kitchen, cooking a very good smelling breakfast. I wiped my mouth to make sure I wasn't drooling. Pony looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey Liz," He looked around me for a second, finally cocking an eyebrow, "Where's Two-bit?" This caused Steve and Soda to look up from their match got a moment. I rubbed my arm uncomfortably and shrugged slightly.

"Guess he's still sleepin'," I replied quietly. They all stared at me for a moment. I guess it wasn't often I came over and Two-bit wasn't right in front of me. Actually, it was never. They finally stopped staring ar me and got back to what they were doing.

God! That was awkward!

I walked over and sat by Pony, who smiled at me slightly, making sure to return to his book quickly. I restrained from rolling my eyes. Darry walked out, wiping his hands on a dish cloth. He immediately noticed me, and let me tell you that doesn't happen often.

"Well, hey there Lizzy. We don't often see you around here this early." He said to me. I shrugged and smiled at him slightly. He grinned back at me, which I was proud to get from him. Most people saw Darry as this tough, scary, built greaser who could beat you to a pulp in a second. And, technically speaking, they were right, but I could see a whole other side of Darry.

Darry could be a big, lovable, stuffed teddy bear. Now, I probably would never tell him that, but I mean, if you looked deep enough you would see it too.

"Okay everyone, breakfast is ready," I stood up with Ponyboy as he walked into his kitchen. I sat beside him, with no one in the chair to my right. We said grace and I got a little food while all the guys dug in. Everyone always complained that I didn't eat enough, but I just got full quickly, wasn't my fault.

I laughed a little as I watched the guys eat like pigs. Soda cocked an eyebrow with food stuffed in his mouth. It was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen.

"What's so funny little girl?" He asked with food falling out of his mouth, causing me to giggle. Everyone looked up at me and I felt the heat rise in my cheeks. My smile lightened.

"Uhm, it's-it's just funny. You guys eat like pigs," I teased quietly. Darry rolled his eyes and continued eating. Steve shrugged and continued also. Soda smiled.

"Yeah well, compared to you OF COURSE we eat like pigs!" He exclaimed. I rolled my eyes and he laughed. Wow, he was pretty damn cute when he laughed. I realized I was staring so I turned away.

The guys finished chomping away like hogs. It was very gross to watch them like that. I mean, I know that I eat pretty much nothing, but there's no way on earth NORMAL people eat like that.

I walked back out into the living room when everyone else walked out. I sat down on the couch again, beside Pony like before. Suddenly, someone came rushing through the door.

"GUYS! GUYS I CAN"T FIND LIZZY! HAVE YOU SEEN HER!" Two-bit practically screamed as he came crashing through the room, falling flat on his face. I had to stop myself from laughing as he quickly got up. I didn't think it was as funny though when I saw his eyes.

"GUYS I SAID- oh." He looked at me and I stared back. It seemed like we sat there for an eternity. I was praying Two-bit wouldn't yell at me, but that look in his eyes told me he would.

Two-bit and I barely fought, just small bickering things and it was usually when it was just the two of us.

"What are you doing here Elizabeth?" He asked, using my full name. Everyone from the gang who was there was watching. I had to swallow to gain my courage to speak.

"What do you mean?" I asked back. The gang seemed a little surprised by my reply. I wasn't usually disobedient, well, not to their knowledge anyways. Two-bit looked at me as if I was crazy.

I sighed as I stood up, crossing my arms over my chest. I walked out of the house, everyone staring at me. I didn't want attention! Not at the moment at least! Why did Two-bit have to be like that? Last night he wanted to get rid of me and now he was all mad I didn't stay attached to him?

Freaking ridiculous!

Two-bit followed me as I started walking down the sidewalk.

"Liz!" He called after me, but I didn't turn towards him. I was getting pretty pissed. Two-bit grabbed my arm and spun me around. I glared at him and he looked back at me shocked.

"what's wrong with you?" He asked me and I growled.

"What's wrong with _me?_ How about what's wrong with you?" I asked him. He looked at me, confused. I sighed, frustrated, "Two-bit last night you told me to go away and now you're mad because I did what you said! I'm just a little frustrated!" I exclaimed. He looked at me and sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"C'mon Lizzy, you know I didn't mean it!" He tried. I sighed and looked at him seriously.

"Actually Two-bit, I don't know if I do fucking know!"

"God is it like your time of the month or something?"

"TWO-BIT!"

"Sorry….sorry."

I sighed, shaking my head. Story of my life. I looked at Two-bit.

"Ya' know what? I-I need some fresh air," I said, walking away again.

"Liz-" Two-bit tried, but I ignored him as I walked away. I didn't need to deal with this shit at the moment.

I walked further away, not really sure where I was going, just not where I happened to be them.

**And OMG! I got like 12 reviews first chapter and eight the second! Thanks SOOO much for that!**


	4. Runaway Love

**Awww, you guys are awesome! 15 reviews? That's crazy! Well, thanks. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for Jack and Lizzy**

**WARNING: Rape of a minor**

_Little Lizzy is only 15 years old_

_She's trying to figure out why the world is so cold_

_Why she isn't pretty_

_And nobody seems to like her_

_Alcoholic step dad always wanna strike her_

I continued to walk along the road, needing to be away from people. I was just tired and annoyed. I kicked a stone along the dirt road. A few tears slipped, but I wiped them away. I didn't feel like crying, I didn't WANT to cry.

Why was Two-bit like that? Could he not see how frustrating it was to have a brother who could seem very bipolar when the situation was about me?

I stuffed my hands deep down into my pockets and let out a small, shaky breath. If only people understood me. If only they could see the true me.

That wouldn't work, though! Somebody would probably kill me if they knew my secret! My life was a complete lie.

I was just done with being confused. I put myself in this mess, I should be able to get out shouldn't I?

I shook my head in frustration as I continued down the road.

I usually didn't worry about this kind of stuff. I usually just went on my way, pretending to be quiet little Lizzy.

I sighed and mentally smacked myself. My mind needed to shut up and just get over the fact that I was what I was. I would always live with this. I couldn't change my decisions, so there was not need to worry about them.

I finally looked up to see where I was. I'd walked farther than I normally would have, being lost in my thoughts and all. I shrugged my shoulders and made a quick check to see if there was anyone I knew around.

There wasn't.

A tight knot formed in my gut as I looked around. I really didn't recognize where I was. I usually didn't go off on my own. Normally Two-bit was with me, or else I didn't walk at all.

Thankfully, I could tell I wasn't in soc territory, but I was definitely not in my regular greaser territory. I took a deep breath and decided to just keep walking. My mind still wasn't clear enough.

It felt wrong, going off where I didn't know where I was. Well, I wasn't about to let two-bit chain me down like some mutt. I walked a little prouder for a moment, but it fell as fast as it had come.

I walked passed a few alleys, all creeping me out slightly, but not enough to make me turn. I just felt like I was in a very bad part of town.

I was about to pass by another alley when someone's rough hands grabbed my shoulder. I whipped my head around, causing my neck to crack. I winced, rubbing it for a second. I then looked up at the person who grabbed me and my whole body seemed to freeze over.

"J-Jack?" I questioned, starting to shake a little. He nodded once, a smirk on his face. I felt my entire self become numb all over. I gulped and stared at him.

"Hello Elizabeth," He said slowly, whispering so slightly I could barely hear.

I tried to scream out, tried to run, but my body seemed to be in pause. It was almost as if someone had frozen me over so I could perform no motion altogether. Except, for the fact that I was breathing, that was a very good guess.

"W-what are y-you doing here..?" I asked quietly, looking around to see if there was anyone who could help me. There wasn't.

Jack had that scary look in his eyes, the one he got when he was going to hurt me. I could smell his breath, which reeked of alcohol and other stuff I didn't really recognize.

Jack's other hand came down and caressed my hip. I felt my self tense up and Jack smiled at me.

"Oh, little Lizzy. There's just a nice bar around here." His words were slurred and he looked as if he might pass out. I prayed for that to happen, "Funny thing is," He started, "I don't ne'er see you 'round here..?" He tried to tell me, but his drunken state of mind made it sound like a question.

I shook my head slowly, "W-well, I'm just takin' uh little w-walk. S-so I'll j-just be on my way," His hand on my side made me very jumpy while I talked. It felt strange.

Jack let out an awkward sort of snort sound and squeezed my side lightly where his hand was placed.

"Well, actually Elizabeth, I was thinking you could come with me and we could do something together," A funny looking smirk formed on his face, "Ya' know, father and daughter?"

I almost screamed in his face he wasn't my father, but I decided that if he was drunk that probably wasn't my best option.

"Actually Jack, I have to g-go meet some people," I managed to squeak out. I started to release myself from his grasp, but he tightened his hand on my shoulder. He glared at me for a moment, but his face softened a little after a moment.

"Well, I don't really think that's gonna work out for you Lizzy," He rubbed his hand up and down on my side. I felt tears start to build up. This man scared me like hell, "'Cause me and you are gonna have a good ol' time together," His words still slurred and I got a giant whiff of his alcoholic breath.

"Really Jack, I h-hafta-" I started to rip away again. I was about to break into a sprint when he grabbed a hold of my wrist.

"You don't _hafta _do anything," He replied, twisting my wrist. I whimpered in pain.

"Stop," I managed to let out. He shook his head laughing.

"Uh uh," He through me by wrist into the alley. I felt something in my wrist crack as I slammed against the brick wall.

Once again I tried to scream, but my breath had caught in my throat. Jack came over and stood tall in front of me. I looked up at him and scowled slightly. He kicked me in the ribs. I went to grab it, and that's when I noticed a horrible pain in my head.

I felt warm tears pour down my cheeks, Jack's drunken laughter could be heard in the background. I looked at him through blurry vision and he smirked, his arms crossed over his chest.

"You ready little girl?"

I didn't exactly know what I was supposed to be ready for, but I was guessing a beating. I tried to shake my head no, but my brain didn't get the message.

Before I had a chance to answer I was picked up off the ground and thrown towards the end of the alleyway. I protected my head this time with my good hand. Jack walked slowly to me.

I tried to sit up, but Jack pushed me back down when he reached me. He got down onto the ground with me and straddled me. More tears flowed as I wondered how much pain I'd be in soon.

My eyes widened, though, as Jack reached for my jean zipper. I started to squirm and he slapped me, hard, across the face.

"Now don't be like that, Lizzy," He said to me softly, now slowly rubbing the back of his hand across my opposite cheek. He reached for my zipper again, but I was too afraid to move.

Jack successfully removed my jeans and slowly went for my shirt. He took over me and I cried the entire time.

He made me feel so dirty and disgusted with myself. I had never felt this dirty, not even when I kissed every guy at Buck's. Jack had taken advantage of me.

I couldn't do anything, he'd won. Jack won. The tears had continued to flow as Jack stood up, walking away, leaving me alone and helpless on the ground.

**Okay please review! I'm gonna be honest, I almost started to crying when I wrote this chapter.**


	5. White Liar

_Hey white liar_

_Truth comes out a little at a time_

_And it spreads just like a fire_

_Slips off of your tongue like turpentine_

_And I don't know why_

_White liar_

I lay there, still as a stone.

He raped me. Jack raped me. That was it. I no longer had one ounce of pure dignity anywhere throughout my entire body. I felt like shit, hell, I was shit. My goal had been to keep my virginity for the one person I truly loved and here Jack had come and taken it from me.

As I lay on the ground, my naked body cold and beaten, I realized if I'd just stayed with Two-bit I wouldn't have gotten into this mess.

Since I'm an idiot, though, I was now in the back of a dark alleyway at God knows what time, crying for God knows how long. I couldn't even fully accept the fact he'd done that to me, and I hadn't done a single thing to stop him.

My head hurt and my wrist ached greatly. I slowly reached up with my good hand and touched the spot on my head that hurt. I winced and cursed below my breath.

When I pulled my hand back my eyes widened to the sight of the blood dripping from my hand.

A small tear slowly fell and blended into the blood. I just shook my head and looked up, thinking I could find some hope.

So far, I'd pretty much been flat out unlucky on finding any hope. I didn't expect to see any, anytime soon.

I slowly and carefully slipped my clothes back on. I didn't feel any better with them on. It just made me feel like I was trying to hide the truth.

I couldn't stand, though, so I stayed on the ground.

My head pounded and my wrist felt like it'd been snapped in half. I tried crawling, but all that got me was the nice smell of concrete. I breathed in a shaky, deep breath.

It was horrible to be sad, but to be sad AND alone was one of the worst things a person could have to deal with.

I wished someone, anyone, would come along. It could've been a soc for all I cared. I just wanted to get away from the disgusting spot where he'd forced me.

Oh, if I didn't miss my dad before, I sure missed him now.

I was numb again. Completely numb.

If only I hadn't tried to run from Two-bit. I should've just nodded my little head and walked back into the Curtis', but no, I have to cause myself trouble.

I was scarred for life now because of my stupid decisions.

Pain was surrounding my body and I was scared. Why couldn't someone just come? I screamed out, my voice finally working, where as earlier it had failed.

I screamed out, not really sure what I was screaming at. I think I was just having mixed emotions and I needed to get them all the hell out of my body then and there.

I felt a rush of relief when familiar voices filled the air.

"Liz?"

"Lizzy?"

"Elizabeth?"

I thanked God a million times at that very moment and screamed out to them.

"Here! I-I'm here! H-h-help!" I managed to yell out.

Suddenly, a few footsteps could be heard and they were getting closer. A gigantic sigh of relief escaped my body and it felt like a giant weight was lifted from my shoulders. Suddenly, coming down the alleyway was a desperate looking Two-bit. Following behind him was Soda and Darry.

As soon as Two-bit saw me his aw hit the floor. He ran over and kneeled in front of me.

"Liz are you okay?" He asked me, it sounded so loud. My head started to pound more than it already had been.

I couldn't speak. I was too traumatized. All I could do was shake my head no. Two-bit's expression became even more worried.

"Can you two come help me carry her?" Two-bit said, looking towards Soda and Darry. They both nodded and walked towards me.

"Don't worry Two-bit, I got her," Darry said. He slowly picked me up off the ground. I winced in pain when his hand touched my rib where I'd been kicked. Darry looked at me worriedly. I just looked away, too ashamed to even look anyone in the eyes.

Darry started to walk, following Soda and Two-bit who were whispering quietly to each other. Whatever they were talking about was probably about me. I hated when people did that.

I slowly started to notice things that looked familiar. If only I'd stayed within the boundaries.

We finally got back into the part of town that I recognized fully, but instead of heading towards me and Two-bit's house we started for the Curtis home.

Once we got there Darry carried me inside first and carefully lay me down on the couch. I winced as I was set down.

Darry quickly walked away to get something, while Two-bit took his place beside me.

"Lizzy what happened?" He asked in a caring tone. I couldn't tell him. It was dirty and disgusting and so many other things that I just couldn't. I couldn't hurt Two-bit like that. I wouldn't let him know someone had done something so gross to his baby sister.

I thought for a minute, of a way I could lie, but I couldn't seem to come up with anything. Then, it hit me like a freight train.

"socs," I said, my voice so raspy I scared myself.

Two-bit looked like he was going to explode with fury. His face was all red and I could've sworn I saw steam coming out of his ears.

He stood up and stormed off, probably to let the others know, while Darry came back in with a t-bone steak, a wet rag and some medical supplies.

"Here Lizzy, put this on your cheek, ya' gotta nasty bruise," Darry said, handing the cold steak to me. I just nodded and put it on my cheek. It stung at first, but I let it go. "Where does it hurt Liz?" Darry asked, looking through his medical stuff. I shrugged when he looked back up.

Darry sighed and got the alcohol. He put it on a cloth and softly dabbed my head. It stung like hell, causing me to wince. Darry apologized every time I did, but kept on with his work.

After dabbing my head he wrapped some gauze around it.

I looked at my wrist when he finished with my head. It was bruised and swollen. Darry noticed me looking at it and decided to look at it for himself.

"Jesus," He muttered quietly to himself.

It hurt the worst when he did my wrist. He told me it was broken, but he'd be able to fix it without me having to go to the doctors.

Darry fixed up the rest of me, cleaning the cuts and bandaging me up. I'd fractured a rib so he had to wrap my stomach.

"Okay Liz, you should probably get some rest," He told me once he finished. I just nodded and slowly closed my eyes.

No matter what I did, all I could see was Jack. Every time I closed my eyes, he was there. In all my dreams, he was there. I couldn't stop seeing him, all over me. It was horrible, but I couldn't cry. If I cried everyone would want to know what was wrong and I didn't see anyway around that question.

I awoke to the sound of low voices. I kept my eyes closed, just so I could listen in.

"Guys, Lizzy said it was socs! Why would she lie?" I heard Two-bit hiss. It sounded like someone was shuffling around in the background.

"We don't know Two-bit, but it doesn't seem logical," I was pretty sure Steve said.

"How?" Two-bit tried. I heard someone sigh and then more shuffling.

"Two-bit, not even socs are low enough to jump a girl. You know that." I knew it was Soda's sweet, soft voice that said this. Two-bit grunted and then sighed heavily.

"I dunno, but I'm gonna believe Lizzy for now," Two-bit said, "She doesn't lie to me like that."

I was ashamed when he said that. The biggest part about me was a complete lie and I could never take it back.

I slowly opened my eyes to see Darry about to leave.

"See ya' later guys," he said, about to walk out the door.

"Wait-" I said. Everyone turned to look at me, not realizing I was awake, "Thanks for-uh- fixing me up," I said quietly, my face getting hot. Darry nodded.

"No problem Liz," He said to me, while he waved to everyone else. I sighed as everyone decided to leave the room and go do their own thing.

There I was again, alone. My body ached from all the pain I was in. I really hoped Two-bit would keep believing me. I wasn't sure what I would do if he didn't.

After awhile Soda walked into the room and sat on the floor in front of my face. I stared up at the ceiling and I could see his goofy grin form from out of the corner of my eye.

"I was sent to keep you company," He said to me. I turned to look at him. His eyes were so soft and you could tell concern filled them. I sighed.

"Don't you mean baby sit me?" I asked plainly. Soda let out a small chuckle and I looked at him. He nodded slightly.

"Well, I guess."

I shook my head and looked back up at the ceiling, "Don't you have work?" I asked him quietly, kind of nervous that I was only talking to Soda. Well, at least I didn't have the other guys in there to make fun of me. Soda shook his head.

"I'm off today," He told me nonchalantly. I just nodded, not feeling like talking. I still had those images of Jack floating through my mind, not willing to leave. I had to hold back my tears once again.

"So, socs got you?" Soda asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. The way he said it sounded like he was disbelieving. I nodded though.

"Yeah," I said, just wanting the conversation to end. Soda nodded.

"Well, it's just kind of weird, ya' know? I've never heard of Socs going _that far out of territory," He told me. I could tell he was trying to get something out me. I turned my head away._

"_Yeah me either," I said quietly, "But they did." _


	6. I can't wait

_The way you curse when we're in traffic_

_The million flavors of your chap stick_

Ponyboy was now hanging out with me, or on "Lizzy Duty" as I liked to call it. It was mid afternoon and I'd only gotten up from the Curtis couch once to go to the bathroom. It seemed that everyone had gotten at least one chance to baby-sit me. I really didn't engage in conversation with anyone.

I was still a little numb from everything, still distraught. I could tell some of the gang noticed. The less sensitive ones, not so much.

Soda, Pony and Two-Bit definitely could tell something was different with me. Soda and Pony, because they were good at telling feelings and Two-Bit because he was my brother.

"So what happened?" Pony asked me quietly. I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't even want to think about it. Of course, though, my brain would not stop images of Jack from reappearing in my mind.

I shrugged and looked away. Pony sighed.

"Now c'mon Liz. We just wanna help you. We wanna find the bums out there that did this to you," He said a bit sharply. I turned and glared at him.

"I don't feel like talking about it right now Pony. Just leave it be." I said to him, my temper rising slightly. I was scared and hurt right now. I didn't need to talk about why, "And anyways I don't want all of you out there tryin' to beat up some socs just because of a little injury."

Pony stared at me for a minute. I wouldn't meet his eyes. He shook his head and turned away.

Pony and I were pretty good friends, considering how much time I actually spent with the gang, which wasn't very much. I usually stayed by myself. I ate with them at lunch, but other than that I was usually a loner at school.

I looked at Pony, he seemed frustrated with me. I didn't want to make him mad, but I wasn't ready to tell anyone anything. Whether it be the truth, or a lie.

"Pony!" Darry's voice boomed from the kitchen. He looked at me for a second, frowning, before he got up and walked away.

I sat there in silence for a few minutes before Soda walked back in, smiling towards me.

"My turn again," He seemed somewhat excited. I didn't really like any of this, but I guess it was okay with Soda. Unlike with Dally, who just sat there, smirking at me.

"You feeling any better?" He asked me. I shrugged and Soda sighed. I looked at him carefully.

"Lizzy, we really are just trying to help you." He told me kindly. I nodded and sat up a little.

"I know Soda, it was just a lot to take in. I don't wanna talk about it." I said simply, Soda nodded and I could tell he understood.

"Pony, your smart enough to make A's! Don't act like you can't!" I looked towards the kitchen as Pony and Darry yelled back and forth about Pony's grades. Soda sighed and looked down. I looked at him slowly.

"Soda, if you all want me outta here, I'll go back home. Just say the word," He looked up at me and I sighed, "I don't want to be a bother."

Soda looked at me, shaking his head.

"No, your fine. You'd do the same if it was one of us." He told me kindly, "And don't worry about the two ding dongs in the kitchen. They're always at each others throats."

I nodded and looked at him questioningly. He cocked an eyebrow.

"I know it's none of my business, but, why do they fight so much?"

Soda shrugged and looked towards the kitchen where yelling could still be heard, "Darry's havin' a hard time getting that Pony's turning into a teenager, and he's not gonna listen all the time." He sighed again, "He just wants what's best for Pone, but then you got Pony, who thinks everyone is out to get him."

I just nodded and listened, letting him get what he needed to say off his chest.

"Aw, look at me. Here I am, telling' you 'bout my problems and here your only a year older than Pony." He apologized. I shook my head and smiled slightly.

"Hey, don't worry about it," I could feel myself blushing slightly so I looked down, " 'sides I'm gonna be 16 in two weeks." He chuckled when I said this, causing me to blush more.

"C'mon Dar! You know I'm trying my hardest!" I could here Pony yelling at Darry. Soda looked desperate for a minute, then started to walk towards the kitchen.

"I'm gonna break this up," Soda said as he started to walk into the kitchen. I nodded and gave a small wave, which he missed.

"Dar, it was a B. He'll bring it up next term." I listened to Soda, reasoning with his older brother. Things seemed to have simmered down once Soda had entered the room.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I could be a pretty patient person, but even with a fractured rib I wanted to at least be able to go somewhere. I wanted to take a walk or something, but Two-Bit wouldn't let me get up.

I sighed and tried to get Jack to escape my head. When I realized I couldn't I opened my eyes quickly. I couldn't start crying because of stupid Jack.

Soda walked back into the room and looked at me. He came over and felt my forehead and I gave him a curious look.

"Are you okay, you look flushed?" He said to me. I gulped and nodded quickly.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I told him. He looked at me slowly for a moment before turning away.

"Uh, okay. I was wonderin' if you wanted to uh go over to the movie house or something. I don't like movies, but I decided to volunteer to take you somewhere. Ya seem pretty bored, " He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

My mouth was hanging open. I would be alone? With Sodapop Curtis? In a dark movie theatre? Alone? I nodded and tried to hide the blush creeping up on my poor face.

"Sure," I said quietly. Soda helped me stand up. I smiled at him and looked in his sweet eyes. Okay, so it wasn't really a date, but it was something. He of course wouldn't think of it as a date, but if in my mind I would like to imagine it as that, then hell I was going to imagine it as just that.

"Okay, I'll take you back to your house to change quickly."

I nodded and Soda helped me walk outside. We hopped into Darry's worn out truck, him in the driver seat and me passenger.

Sodapop drove while I was left to dwell in my thoughts.

I was actually surprised that Soda had volunteered to take me somewhere. I knew as much as the next guy that Soda could not sit still through an entire movie. I'd never gone to one with anyone, but Two-Bit, so I wasn't sure how much truth this rumor really had to it.

My mood had done a full swing knowing I was going to the movies with Soda, but I was sure my original feelings would return soon.

We pulled into my driveway and I slowly made my way out of the truck.

"Do you need any help going inside?" Soda asked from the drivers seat. I shook my head.

"Nah, I'll be fine. Just gotta be careful is all. I'll try to be quick."

Soda nodded and gave me a wave of his hand. I held my rib as I slowly did a waddle-like walk up to my front door. It was open so I went ahead and walked in.

Somehow I carefully made my way up the stairs and into my room. I looked at my shirt. It had a tear at the bottom and a few blood stains on it. I really hoped those would come out. I slipped it off and looked at the bruises across my stomach and they scared me something fierce.

I slipped on a form fitting shirt. It was plain sky blue, nothing more. I slipped of my jeans and didn't even bother to look at the bruises. I was too afraid.

I slipped on a nicer pair of jeans then I normally would wear. I tried not to over do it. I kept telling myself, '_Not a date. Don't be stupid! Why would Soda ever ask you on a date? Not a date. Not. A. Date.' _I sighed and pinned a front piece of hair back with a bobby pin.

I considered putting makeup on, but decided that was a big No-No. Everybody would know something was up then. I only put a little cover-up over the bruise on my cheek and called it good.

As I waddled back down my stairs I could feel butterflies forming in my stomach. As soon as I reached the bottom, though, my whole stomach just about dropped to the floor.

"Hello Elizabeth," He said slowly, evilly. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to grab a knife and kill the bastard. I felt my breath hitch in my throat,

"What do you want?" My voice cracked slightly. I was scared shitless. He only smirked.

"I already got what I wanted Elizabeth. Don't you worry you're tiny little head." He said slowly, "You were real good too." He laughed and I felt the tears starting to burn the rims of my eyes. Anger rose inside me. How dare he…

"Shut the fuck up!" I yelled at him. I didn't even know the words had escaped my mouth, but they had, "Who gave you the right you sonofabitch?" I screamed at him. He narrowed his eyes at me and I realized I should've thought that move through.

"That ain't no fucking way to talk to your elder now is it?" He asked He stepped towards me. I, cowardly, took a step back, "Answer the fucking question!"

It was my turn to glare, "You bastard! You no good, perverted, virginity stealing, cold hearted bastard!" I screamed at him. He was about to lunge for me, when someone came running through the door, "Soda," I said quietly as he stared, taking in the situation.

"Who the hell are you?" Jack spoke to Soda, taking a step towards him. Soda sized Jack up then looked towards me. You could tell he noticed the fear in my eyes.

"Sodapop Curtis, sir. And if you don't mind, Lizzy and I were about to go somewhere so.."

Soda tried to step towards me, but Jack blocked his path. I could hear Jack's scary chuckle and Sodapop seemed to form a glare on his face.

"Sir I-"

"Listen son. Lizzy has to stay here and learn a lesson about talking to her elders correctly." Jack smirked at me for a moment, "She won't be able to come," He finished, turning back to Soda. I shook my head softly, looking at Soda with pleading eyes.

Soda narrowed his eyes at Jack, "No sir, actually, she's coming with me," Soda ran around Jack and grabbed my arm. Jack lunged for us, but Soda got us out of the way in time. As we ran out the front door, me waddling, Jack was screaming so many obscenities it would make a sailor jealous.

Soda helped me into the truck and he quickly got in the drivers seat. I couldn't help the continuous tears that didn't seem to want to stop. Soda pulled over on the side of the road and leaned his head back, taking a deep breath.

He looked over at me, "C'mon Liz, don't cry. You're okay. I'm okay," He said to me. I couldn't shake it though. When I was with Jack back there, I almost pissed myself, "Liz please," He wrapped his arms around me in a strong embrace. It felt good, really good, "Shh, you're okay," He said softly. I turned into his chest and let out heavy sobs.

As much as I wanted this moment to mean something, I knew it was just Soda being Soda. Either way, I loved the smell of diesel, aftershave and cologne all mixed together in one. I made sure to inhale a lot of it.

I calmed down the best I could and pulled away. I looked out the window and sniffled, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm really sorry Soda," I said quietly. I waited. When he didn't say anything I looked at him. His face showed confusion.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked me kindly, wiping away a fallen tear. I shook my head as a few more tears were shed.

"You, you shouldn't have had to see that," I sobbed out. Soda ran the back of his hand softly across my cheek. I looked at him. He shook his head.

"No, no it's okay. It's a good thing I came, it looks like." I shrugged and he looked like he snapped back into reality, pulling his hand back. I thought I saw his cheeks turn slightly pink, but it could've just looked that way through my tears.

"I'm still sorry," I said, looking up to him. We stared in each others eyes. He shook his head softly and leaned in a little closer to me.

"Nah, no Lizzy. _I'm _sorry. That you have to live with _that._" He told me kindly. I just shrugged my shoulders and looked down, fiddling with my fingers in my lap. He sighed and put the car into drive.

"Ya' still wanna go?" He asked me quietly. I shrugged and nodded at the same time.

"Yeah, uh yeah. I can't let Jack ruin my good time."

We got to the movies and went inside. I was still upset, so I didn't even realize what movie we were seeing. Soda got some popcorn for us to share and we walked in and took some seats in the back.

I could tell within the first 10 minutes of the movie that Soda was already antsy. I turned to him.

"We can go if you want," I offered, pointing towards the exit. He shook his head and put up his hand.

"No, I'll be fine." He said. I shrugged and turned back to the movie, popping a piece of popcorn into my mouth. A few minutes later he started to talk to me.

"Uhm, so is uh Jack, normally like that?"

The question caught me off guard, that's for sure. Why he wouldn't just wait to ask Two-bit was beyond me. I shrugged and looked at the movie for a minute before turning back to him.

"Mostly when he's around, yes. He's normally drunk," I was suddenly glad that the movie house was dark because I was positive that all the color had drained from my face as images of the night before plastered into my mind.

"Hey. Hey Liz, you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, um, yeah I'm fine. Sorry," I said. He chuckled and I cocked an eyebrow.

"Stop saying sorry." He laughed. I didn't realize it was that funny, but I found my own thing to laugh about when several people turned around, shushing Soda. He covered his mouth, but I could still see that goofy grin on his face.

I looked into his eyes as they danced with amusement, causing me to crack a small smile. He looked back into my eyes and it suddenly felt like the whole world paused right then and there. As quickly as it had come it passed and I felt my face growing hot as I quickly looked away.

We didn't talk anymore through the movie and once it was over Soda and I walked back out to the truck. It was still early afternoon, but I was already worn out and in dire need of Tylenol for my aching ribs.

Before we got in the truck Soda turned me towards him, smiling.

"Listen Lizzy, I understand if you don't feel the same way," I nodded, cueing him to continue. He sighed, "Listen Liz, it's just, after spending time with you I can tell I like ya'."

I nodded my head slowly, not sure where this was going, "I like you too Sodapop," I replied to him. He shook his head.

"No, I like you more than just like you," he said slowly. I cocked an eyebrow until I felt that light bulb above my head ding on.

"Aw, I shouldn't have said nothin'. Nevermind-"

"No, wait. Soda, I-I feel the same way," I said quietly, that stupid blush creeping up on my cheeks. Soda stared at me for a minute.

"You do?" He asked carefully, I nodded.

"Yeah."

Soda slowly pushed some hair out of my face, leaning in closer. I felt the butterflies moving at rapid speeds within my stomach, but I ignored them as our lips crashed together. This right here, was like some stupid, little, cheesy fairy tale. But, it was _my _stupid, little, cheesy fairytale and I was not about to waste it.

I felt his tongue hit my lip, asking for entrance, which I eagerly granted. I could feel sparks fly, just like they always say. I didn't really know what was going on. It was disorienting, but as my lips touched his in perfect harmony, all thoughts of Jack were the last thing on my mind.

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	7. Two is better than one

We pulled away from the kiss and I felt like a whole new person. He stared at me, a grin forming on his face. I just felt my face get redder and redder. Soda chuckled slightly and ran his hand over my cheek softly.

"Why are you blushing?" He teased me. I looked down immediately because I knew I was about to put a tomato in a jealous state. He chuckled again, "Why are you embarrassed?"

I looked up at him, trying to make the blood flow leave my head, "I dunno. I can't help it I guess," I explained. He took his hand down from my cheek and smiled at me.

I looked away for a moment, lost in my own thoughts. It was peaceful, just standing there with the cool evening breeze hitting us.

"So, what is this?" I asked slowly, wondering if my fantasy was coming true. I slowly turned my head back to him as he looked off towards where the sun was beginning to set.

" Well, it's _something_," he noted, smiling. I rolled my eyes and slapped him, playfully, on the chest.

"I get it's _something_," I blushed again, wishing I could slap the heat out of my cheeks, " but _what _is that something?"

Soda stared blankly, just looking at the horizon. I was sad I couldn't read him. Some people were so easy to read, almost like an open children's book; Others were not. He finally turned, looking back at me. He grabbed my free hand with his right.

"I think, that this uh _something_, is me and you together," he told me, quietly. I barely heard from how quiet it'd actually been. I looked down as heat rose in my cheeks. I looked back up to see him looking at me, "Whaddya' think?"

I wanted to scream to him that it was an amazing idea, but decided to keep my composure at calm.

"I think it's a good idea," I saw his eyes flash with something I'd never seen before, as he grinned at me. That grin fit him perfectly and I loved it.

"Then, I guess we're something…" Soda leaned in close. I could feel his breath on my lips as he got closer. I made sure to lean in just the right amount so our lips hit each other perfectly.

I felt like I was flying, until reality came back and hit me. I pulled away.

"Wait, Soda. I-I can't do this," I said sadly. I looked at Soda and he seemed upset. He gave me a curious look and I sighed. Why couldn't I just say yes?

"Soda, you and I both know Two-Bit won't like this one bit," I tried to explain. Soda sighed, looking down. I was pretty sure he knew I was right. He looked back up, stuffing his hands in his jean pockets.

"Listen Lizzy. I _really _like you. If you don't feel the same way about me, then I won't even consider this. I _can _talk to Two-Bit , though. Ya' know, try and convince him?"

I thought it through. I _really _liked Sodapop too. I wanted to have that _something _with him that only a few minutes ago we decided we did have. I looked to him and bit my lip, nodding.

"Would you really talk to him?" I asked cautiously. Soda threw a glance sideways, then nodded.

"Yeah I would."

XXX

Actually, I was worried. I was pretty confident Two-Bit was gonna get pissed, but I needed Soda more than anyone realized.

When I'd been kissing him, talking to him, doing stuff with him I felt okay. I wasn't scared to close my eyes. I wasn't imagining Jack every moment. I forgot those horrid memories of Jack and anything he'd ever done to me.

Being with Soda made me forget things more than my nightly job did, and all I did was kiss him once.

Nobody knew how Jack made me feel, I'd never told anyone. I don't think Two-Bit had ever seen Jack hit me and I was sure I'd never told him. He may have seen Jack yelling at me, at most.

I was in the truck with Soda and he had his arm wrapped around my shoulders. It was such a warm, caring embrace and I loved it. It made me a little less worried about how Two-Bit would react.

Once we got a block away from the Curtis', Soda took his arm down and continued to drive, causing me to feel a little empty.

"How do we know Two-Bit's at your place?" I asked softly. Soda slowed the truck down as he parked the car.

"He told me to bring you back here after I took you to the movie," he replied as we walked up to his house. He opened the door for me.

I hadn't had as much trouble walking back, the pain in my rib numbing after realizing I wasn't going to stop moving about. I still needed some aspirin, though. My wrist was fine, but my head still hurt. The gash hadn't been as deep as it felt. I had been embarrassed, though, to go out in public with that stupid gauze wrapped around my head.

Soda tossed Darry the keys as he went into the kitchen. I went and sat down in the living room.

"Hey Two-Bit, I gotta talk to ya' buddy," I heard Soda say to Two-Bit inside the kitchen. I braced myself.

"You okay?" I heard Johnny ask me from my side. I turned to him and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied.

I waited a few minutes, trying to see if I could hear their conversation and, unfortunately, I couldn't. I waited until Two-Bit stormed into the living room, grabbing my arm in the process.

"C'mon," He said, pulling me up, "We're leaving."

I jerked my arm away from him, happy he'd grabbed the opposite arm of my wrist, "Wait, why?" I asked.

Soda walked into the room, his eyes pleading.

"C'mon Two-Bit. You know I would never hurt her," Soda tried, but Two-Bit shook his head.

"No Soda. She ain't old enough anyways," he tried to grab me again, but I stepped out of his reach.

"Whaddya' mean I'm not old enough?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. Two-Bit rubbed his forehead. I knew it was hard for him to be this serious around his friends, but frankly I didn't care.

"Listen Liz. I know how guys Soda's age are! Okay? You're two years younger than him!"

"Two-Bit I'm almost sixteen! Soda's seventeen!" I exclaimed. I knew he would be mad, but what was the big deal?

"Lizzy, just c'mon," he told me, but I shook my head. He couldn't keep telling me what to do. I wasn't his little slave.

"No Two-Bit, I don't wanna-"

"I don't care Liz! I said no! Now c'mon," he pulled on my arm, this time the one with the bad wrist. I whimpered slightly, but I was pretty sure he didn't care at the moment.

I couldn't pull away from his grip because he tightened it every time I tried. I gave up, looking back at Soda. I tried to give him a look so he would know I was sorry.

He nodded, indicating to me that he got the memo.

Two-Bit pulled me all the way back to our house and by then I'd started crying. He let go of my arm once we got inside and I turned away from him immediately.

"Liz I-" He started, but I made sure to not let him finish.

"Don't talk to me," I said, putting my hand up to him, "I hate you," I mumbled quietly. I heard Two-Bit sigh.

"Lizzy, don't ya' think you two were rushin' it a bit?" He asked. I turned back around to see him rubbing the back of his neck. I scowled.

"No, I don't," I spat at him, "Two-Bit, he just wanted _your _permission to _date_ me! Nothing more!" I crossed my arms over my chest, "And like hell I need it! He was just decent enough to ask for it."

Two-Bit rubbed his forehead with his right hand.

"Liz, I know what guys like him want," He tried to explain to me, but I wouldn't have it.

"Two-Bit Matthews if you think that for _one_ second I would ever let just _any_ guy have their way with me then your dead wrong," I told him, pointing a finger at him.

Outside the sky was starting to get dark. Not only was night becoming present, but a storm was forming. I looked back at Two-Bit and he sighed.

"Lizzy, I know you wouldn't, but sometimes teenage hormones-"

"Two-Bit! I really don't wanna have _this _kind of a talk with you. I'm smart Two-Bit, smarter than you think," I said, a very harsh tone in my voice. Heat rose in my cheeks anyways, but I didn't care. Tears still slowly formed from my eyes and slid lightly down my cheeks.

"Lizzy, please don't cry," Two-Bit wiped one of my tears from my cheek, stepping closer to me, "Ya' know I don't like to see ya' cry," He told me. I sniffed and bit my lip.

"Yeah, well you've been the cause of most of them lately," I felt bad for saying it, but it had a lot of truth to it. Two-Bit just stared at me. He looked a little hurt, but his greaser self forced him to shake it off.

"Two-Bit, why can't I just be with Soda. You know him!" I sighed and stared at the ground, "You guys are good buddies. If he ever hurt me I'd tell you, ya' dig?" I just wanted him to say yes. He sighed.

I could tell he'd gotten really serious. I saw his eyes flick back and forth, while he looked down. After a few moments he looked back up and looked at me, letting his shoulders down.

"Fine," He grumbled. He seemed unhappy, but I think he felt better when I hugged him, "But he does even one little unfaithful thing to you, and you will never see his sorry ass again in your lifetime."

My smile faded slightly, but I nodded anyway, happy he'd said yes.

I quickly went upstairs. I got dressed for sleep and lay down in bed. I fell asleep thinking of Soda and all the amazing things about him.

Of course, though, I couldn't control what thoughts brewed inside my mind while I slept.

"_Daddy!" I cried as tears spilled from my eyes. The nine year old version of myself ran foreword towards my dad. I stood overtop of him, his body motionless as it lay stone cold on the ground._

"_Daddy no!" I screeched as I grabbed onto his shirt, falling to my knees. _

_Everything was a blur through my tears. I tried to scream for someone to help, but noise had ceased from within me. No one was around to hear me if I could._

_Everything suddenly disappeared from the scene, leaving only my dad and I. It was dark and I grabbed my father's cold body, trying to find comfort. When I found none I tried to scream, but no noise could be found. _

_My dad's body slowly dissolved from my hands, leaving me there, holding nothing. _

"_Daddy," I whispered so quietly, it was barely audible. _

_I was suddenly twelve and walking in our front door as quietly as I could. I held my report card in my right hand and started to tip toe slowly, sadly though, I wasn't quiet enough._

_Jack came out, looking drunk. _

"_I heard report cards came out today," He slurred, stumbling a little. I didn't nod, I didn't do anything. I was hoping and praying he'd just sort of forget I was there._

"_Well," he started, "Lemme see it." _

_I whimpered quietly to myself. I kept my hand holding the report behind my back. I never had been the smartest person in school, most people knew that. Jack didn't like accepting it. _

"_Girl, I said lemme see it. Now give it here!" He yelled giving me a shove back. I stumbled and handed the report card to him. He gave me a distasteful look and I knew I was in for it. _

_Right before he started beating me I was back in the alley again. Cold, alone and bare. I looked around me, my eyes widened with fear. I couldn't shake the disgusting feeling I felt all around me. _

_I saw eyes appear out of the darkness. I would know those cold eyes anywhere by now. _

_Jack approached me and started to unzip his pants._

"_Hello Elizabeth."_

_I shot up out of bed, sweat pouring and tears rolling. _

_I looked over at the clock, it read 11:38 pm. I sat up in bed, throwing my legs over the side. I hid my face in my hands and rubbed up and down._

_I needed something to help me._

_I didn't want to bother the Curtis' at this time of night and I couldn't tell Two-Bit about all of this. Too many secrets would be revealed. I sighed and decided that there was only one thing I could do._

_I started to change and get ready, so I could head on over to Buck's. _


	8. What Hurts The Most

**Hey! Okay, so I was under the impression that you only needed one disclaimer for your entire story. Apparently I was wrong, but could someone please clarify this for me? Thanks so much and I hope everyone had a Happy Father's Day!**

**Kare-Bear: Thank you very much for your review. I really look for reviews like that to help me! I will try to work on what you said. I'm still sort of new at this and it becomes a little difficult at times for me, but I will definitely try! Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to S.E. Hinton**

I woke up the next morning, exhausted. I'd spent the better part of my night at Buck's, throwing myself at men. I didn't care, I needed to get my mind off of things for awhile.

Within all the dancing around and making out with others I'd managed to crack my wrist and that caused a severe amount of pain and swearing that could put a sailor to jealousy. Someone there-though I'm not sure who- fixed the wrap so my wrist would eventually bend back into place.

I just can't manage to go anywhere without hurting myself.

Luckily, when I got home Two-Bit was a sleep and neither Jack nor my mom were in the house. It was around 3am, so I tucked myself in and at least tried to go back to sleep. I kept seeing images of Jack run through my head. Wasn't that why I'd gone to Buck's? To get him out of my head?

Damn that fucking bastard.

The images were literally tearing me apart. The whole time I lay there all I could see was him, bringing himself towards me. I saw everything again. Him tugging at my jeans, forcing my shirt off of me. His fingers lingering to places, forcing me to let him have his way. I could feel everything again.

Realization started hitting me. Yes, I did realize two days ago after the deed had been done that he'd raped me, but I hadn't thought about it. The day after I'd been off in lala land trying to recover and fighting with Two-Bit and his overprotective ways about Soda.

Now, I was alone. Even with Two-Bit in the house there was no one close by to take my mind away from things.

I could feel him throwing me against the wall, slapping me. The worst part of it all was I could feel him again, what he did to me, what he took away from me. It caused my head to ache with great severity.

My mind still left me with that disgusting feeling Jack gave me and I couldn't shake it. I was scared to see him again, scared he'd do something again.

Once I heard Two-Bit get up I wanted to get out and get up. I wanted to leave my bed and all the images of Jack that my dark room brought forward, but I couldn't seem to get myself to move.

My body started to slowly shake with the fear being held captive inside my body. I felt a chill run up my spine and my breath hitched in my throat.

All I could see was Jack, pulling me toward him, forcing himself upon me. I felt tears burning the rims of my eyes and they slowly fell down my cheeks.

I couldn't give into these images, I just couldn't. I needed something to distract me, I needed _someone _to distract me, but my body forced me to stay still.

I wasn't asleep and I wasn't dreaming, but there I was, trapped inside my own mind.

Jack's smirk was everywhere, his body all over me.

"Leave me alone," I sobbed out. I felt as though everything was going to cave in on me. The room seemed to come in closer, everything closing around me. I curled my knees up to my chest and rocked myself.

"Stop, please stop," I begged quietly through my tears and sobs. Jack was stuck in my mind taunting me, laughing at me. He would smirk and then slap me.

"Leave me the fuck alone," I sobbed out. I wasn't being very loud. I still understood that if I happened to scream out then Two-Bit would hear me and come ask me what was wrong.

Suddenly, I could no longer control my own body and it started racking from my sobs.

I felt like someone had kicked me several times in the head. The ache worsened from each sob, but I couldn't stop my crying.

In my mind the only thing visible was Jack hurting me. The only thing I could hear was Jack, my own sobs becoming mute as he ventured into my mind.

"Hello Elizabeth," Echoed over and over again, making me gasp for air. I covered my ears and shook my head back and forth viciously.

"No, stop! Just leave me alone!"

I would see him. He slapped me and every time he did I could feel needles slam against my skin. Nothing was really there five seconds later, but it felt like hell through my imagination.

I couldn't control myself, I started flinging my arms back and forth. I hit something and it fell, breaking once it hit the floor.

"Dammit," I muttered to myself as I continued to fling myself around.

Then, everything in the room was gone. I was back in the alleyway once again and Jack had just finished his dirty deed. He got off of me slightly and smirked.

"Fuck you!" I screamed out. All the pain and agony he was causing me was being pushed into me. My stomach gave a sick feeling and his face immediately dropped.

Jack grabbed his pants from off to the side and my heart beat was moving rapidly. He pulled out a knife and I could literally feel my stomach drop. He held the knife up and brought it down.

I screamed loudly and somehow ended back in my room. I was no longer flopping around endlessly, but my sobs continued.

I knew he was coming before I heard his footsteps. Two-Bit burst into my room, his normal obnoxious grin gone. He looked as scared as he had when he found me in the alley.

He kneeled down by my bed and looked towards me, his eyes showing how frightened he really was.

His normal greaser exterior seemed to leave him at that very moment.

"Liz wha-"

I didn't even let him finish. I clung to him like a child finding her parents after being lost in a store for hours. I wasn't about to let go, either.

Two-Bit's arms came around me and I sobbed into his chest, shaking my head back and forth. His arms were comforting and they helped me feel a little more secure.

I felt his fingers running through my hair and it was almost scary how it felt so much like my dad's.

"Shh Liz, you're okay," he told me softly. This was the side of Two-Bit only I really got to see. Sure, maybe one or two other people had gotten to witness it, but I was the one who'd gotten to see it the most.

The way he held me made me feel protected and that's something I needed at that very moment. Two-Bit reminded me of my dad sometimes. How Two-Bit kept hold of me at that very moment, reminded me of how my dad would grasp me if I'd fallen and scraped a knee or if I'd been made fun of.

I realized then that all Two-Bit was doing was trying to almost be a father figure to me.

He didn't care much about little things, like grades or friends, but he made sure I was safe and never sorry.

I realized that he understood my hatred for Jack. He may not have known the things jack would do to me, but he knew that for some possible reason Jack would never be a father to me.

So, Two-Bit took the job for himself.

I let him hold me while I hung onto him for dear life. I was sure my tears were drenching his shirt, but it didn't seem like he minded it much.

I felt my stomach flip and I pulled away. Two-Bit looked overly confused for a few moments, but I ignored his look and dodged for the bathroom.

I bent over the toilet and let go of any food that had been sitting within my stomach.

Two-Bit waited outside the bathroom, probably under the impression I wanted some privacy. I really wouldn't have minded if he rubbed my back or something, but like I said, he was _trying _the father figure thing, not acing it.

Thankfully, my stomach only needed to get rid of it's contents once.

My mouth had a disgusting taste inside of it so I grabbed my toothbrush and quickly brushed away the remains of my up bringing.

I walked out and leaned against the wall in the hallway, slowly sliding down. Two-Bit stared down at me, biting his lip. I shook my head and looked down at the hard ground below me.

"Liz," Two-Bit started carefully, kneeling down by me. He rested his hand on my knee, but I wouldn't allow myself to look up to him, "What was that about?"

I shook my head slowly as my body started to shake again.

"I-I can't Two-Bit. I just can't," tears started to fall again as sobs started overtaking me once more. I shook my head as I clasped my hands over my face. I could tell Two-Bit wasn't sure where to go from there.

He sort of patted my knee awkwardly.

"Lizzy, it's okay. I'm here," he tried softly. I shook my head a little more. I still had a headache and my mind still wouldn't let go of Jack. The images weren't as bad, but not much better either.

He sighed and rubbed his hand through his hair.

"Liz please."

I could tell he wanted to help. All he wanted to do was help. I didn't know if I was making the right decision or not by saying this, but after my attack I just had I thought it couldn't make things worse.

I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down.

Once my sobs weren't as heavy I whispered my next words so quietly they were barely audible.

"It was Jack."

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	9. Duality

When I looked up at Two-Bit his eyes were filled with so much rage that it scared me. His face was turning red and I felt like he was to confused to figure out what to do. The older brother that I knew was no longer there. He seemed to have transformed into a whole new person.

Sobs were trying to form again as tears pricked the rims of my tenderly swollen eyes. I tried to breathe slowly, tried to keep myself under control.

_Inhale…Exhale….Inhale…..Exhale._

Two-Bit looked like he wanted to punch something, anything. His eyes fixed back and forth, as if he were thinking of an escape. From what, I guess I'd never really know.

His fists had balled up so much that the top of his knuckles were white.

I couldn't speak, couldn't move. I felt that if I did, I'd set off something in my brother that would cause him to do something stupid.

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

It was almost as if I could feel the steam that Two-Bit was giving off. Each second didn't make a difference, his anger only seeming to increase and never lessen.

His funny self no longer shown and all I could see was anger, frustration and pure confusion.

Two-Bit hated Jack anyway, and to know the fucking asshole had done something to me had probably just ruined his whole fucking day.

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

Anytime I tried to say something my breath would hitch in my throat, causing my even breathing to cease for a moment. Then, I'd remember to restart the oxygen flow and forget all about even uttering a word.

I could feel the knot inside me, forcing me to cry. I tried to hold back the frightened tears, but I wasn't strong. At least, I wasn't that strong, and tears easily beat down my wall I'd set up to try and stop them.

My eyes automatically closed as I leaned my head back, trying to control my breathing that wanted to go haywire once again.

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

"What the fuck did that sonofabitch bastard do to you?" Two-Bit asked calmer then I expected, but still through clenched teeth. His muscles were tense, bulging. His eyes like darts, piercing through me. It was the same look he'd had anytime he was about to brawl with someone.

I couldn't decide what to tell him. I weighed my options over and over again, but nothing seemed a better choice than the other.

I didn't have to tell him I was raped, that wasn't a necessary thing to have to share with him. I could only speak about getting the shit beat out of me since I was ten. That'd be good enough, no one except Jack knew anyways.

Or, I could tell him everything that Jack had ever done to me. Though, wouldn't that be a lot to take in? It sure was a hell of a lot more then I would want to know at one certain time.

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

My mind moved and twisted around more than I'd ever had to deal with before. I felt trapped, as if I were some kind of caged animal. I couldn't run, there was nowhere to go. I was too far into this to make another lie.

Things running and going through my mind, it was all too much. I couldn't stop them, couldn't even handle them.

Too many fucking thoughts at one time. I wanted to curse as loud as the Lord would allow my poor young lungs. I wanted to scream out towards the high heavens, asking for something easier. _Anything _easier than telling the fucking truth.

Why do we keep those damn secrets in the first place? My only answer is because we don't want the wrong person to get the information in their filthy rotten hands and we all know if one person knows, everyone else is bound to know at some time or another.

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

Two-Bit's eyes watched me, still flaming with the fury hidden behind his dark pupils. His body still kneeled by me, just as tense as before, if not more.

His hand had left my knee a while ago, but I could still see the care he held for me. It was barely visible at the moment behind all of his rage, but it was there.

I tried to look him straight in the eye, wishing I wasn't such a coward. I couldn't do it, I just…..couldn't. I looked down immediately, my vision a bit blurry from all the damn tears.

Those _stupid, cowardly, fucking _tears. _Why? _Why couldn't I hold them? I couldn't hold the fucking tears back when Jack had done the unthinkable, no scratch that, _unimaginable _to me and I couldn't hold back the damn things now. I shouldn't be _scared. _I shouldn't cry like a _baby, _but I do.

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

Two-Bit's facial expression had changed by the time I looked up again. It had now been filled mostly with confusion, rather than rage. How he could be so patient at this moment I couldn't even begin to fathom.

Not only did he hold confusion within his appearance, but he looked at me unsteadily. Almost as if I looked like I was going to do something stupid.

It was then that I realized how crazy my thoughts were really driving me. My free fist was balled up, almost as tight as Two-Bit's, and I could feel my face was extremely hot. My mouth dropped open slightly from my own set confusion.

I wanted to smack myself, wishing I could just wake up and this whole damn thing would just be some crazy bitch of a dream. For a moment I unballed my fist, lifting my hand slightly. I quickly slipped back into reality and set my hand down.

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

Life could be so much simpler if stupid things didn't happen and stupid ideas didn't exist, but sadly, humans are stupid and we make stupid decisions.

I wouldn't be in this damn situation if certain people weren't so fucking stupid.

Two-Bit's rage finally decreased slightly, but not enough where I thought he wouldn't kill someone if I hit the wrong button.

His left hand unballed, his hand turning slightly red as he revealed his palm. His other hand stayed balled up and the expression on his face had evened out between rage and confusion. I saw a glint of thought go through his eyes.

His hand rested carefully on my shoulder, as if he thought too much pressure would break me.

My tears burned my cheeks as I slowly watched his hand. I not only wanted, but needed the somewhat of a comfort.

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

"Liz, what did he do?" his voice was hard, not harsh, but scary. It didn't help my thoughts. All the racing, spinning, the turning and all the damn confusion caused my mind to stay boggled.

I was sweating dammit. This thing had me so wrapped up I was fucking sweating.

_Scared. _That's all I was. I was _scared_ of the truth, _scared_ of Two-Bit, _scared_ of crying and _scared_ of the fucking bastard I didn't even care to name. That was all I'd ever be. I couldn't control my fright. I kept everything bottled up, torturing myself because of how damn _scared _I was.

I was nothing. _No_, I wasn't _nothing_. Of course I wasn't _nothing_. I was just fear and tears. For all the years all I'd been was a worthless piece of shit who only consisted of fear and tears.

What. The. Hell.

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

I shook my head vigorously, trying to shoo away my thoughts. What the hell was I thinking? I didn't even know where the hell I was for a moment until I gave my head a hard shake.

I looked towards Two-Bit, who now looked a little frightened himself.

His hand slowly pulled away from my shoulder and I wanted to hit something. I wanted to hit something that wouldn't hurt me. I didn't feel like putting my other hand through any sort of pain.

I balled it into a fist again, it seemed like my knuckles contained more power this time. I looked at it. What was I even doing? Hell, I had no clue about what was going on.

The confusion had consumed me and it was about to show.

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

I reeled back and let go. It felt like years, my fist just gliding through the air just like some kind of superhero. There was nothing super about it, though, after the air had ended.

I punched Two-Bit square in the nose and he looked like he wanted to punch back.

Fuck.

He grabbed his nose. I knew I was nothing close to a fighter, so I couldn't have caused too much damage. He came back up, a slight amount of blood dripping from his nose. I gasped quietly and looked away.

"S-sorry," I said so quietly I wasn't even sure if I had said it. Why did I hit him? How was I that damn stupid that I would hit my own brother who seemed to be only looking out for me?

I shook my head and covered my face with my free hand. Why the fuck was I so damn confused?

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

I felt his fingers on my chin and I got ready for the blow, but then I realized he only wanted me to look at him. Two-Bit wouldn't hit me. Godammit I was so scared. I looked down, not willing to meet his eyes. My vision blurred as I unwillingly let more tears slip.

"Liz look at me," he said quietly. There was barely any rage which did surprise me, considering I just made his nose my personal punching bag. I slowly brought my glassy eyes to meet his and I held back the oncoming sobs.

I wished he'd say something funny. Life wasn't good unless Two-Bit was living up to his name.

He took a deep breath and ran a finger through his not-yet-greased hair. I looked at his eyes, not showing a tear. My punches may not have hurt, but he did have a nice bruise slowly forming. I would've cried, but Two-Bit just didn't. He wouldn't cry from a bat to his crown jewels, let alone a little sissy punch from his sister.

"Lizzy, what did Jack do to you?"

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

Hearing that name, hearing _his _name was the only thing that brought me back from all the confusion. It caused my thoughts to just pause, to stop.

I finally looked into Two-Bit's eyes and once I did, it was like a force wasn't allowing me to let go and turn away. I felt my heart, almost pounding out of my chest. What was I going to tell him? There was no turning back.

"Oh God…..Two-Bit I- I just…..Oh God," I felt myself breaking down. How does a person tell someone this? I'd never broken down before. Sure, there'd been nights I'd stay up crying in my room for my daddy, but never broken down like this.

Two-Bit's hand let go of my chin and pushed some hair out from in front of my face. I didn't even want to begin to think about what a mess I must've looked like.

"Dammit," I muttered for no reason, though, lots of things were done for no reason now weren't they?

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

"Liz-"

"Dammit Two-Bit! I-I can't fucking say it!" I sobbed out, my whole body just feeling as if it were crumbling, "I just can't fucking-"

Two-Bit grabbed a hold of my shoulders, probably trying to shake some sense into me, "Lizzy! Get a hold of yourself!" he stopped shaking me as I shook my head. His eyes searched me and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. What the fuck should I have said?

"H-he-" damn, this was harder than anything I'd ever dealt with in my entire life. I still hadn't figured what I was going to say.

"Elizabeth, oh dear God!" Two-Bit was afraid, I could tell, and that sure wasn't like him, "What. Did. He. Do?"

I shook my head. I couldn't hold it in. Everything inside me wanted to explode and burst like a flame. The story wanted to end for itself. I could feel my head race and I closed my eyes as tears flowed carelessly from behind it's barrier.

I couldn't have held anymore in even if I'd wanted to. My whole body tensed as I felt the reminder of the shit I'd gone through. All of it, not just the rape, but every single fucking part of it. My fist once again balled up and I shook my head as I pounded the floor one hard time.

_Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale._

"He fucking raped me."

That's when I knew I cut the wrong wire inside of Two-Bit.

**Reviews~**


	10. Gentlemen

After the words escaped my chapped lips I lost all ability to breathe. A sob was caught in my throat as I waited for Two-Bit to move, to say something.

He stood there like a rock wall for what seemed like years, but was merely only a few seconds.

His normally pale face was so red it started to look a slight purple color and his eyes screamed in pain. I wished I could tell what was running through his mind. I could see his teeth grinding together from where his lips were opened slightly.

I wasn't scared of Jack anymore, not at the moment. It wasn't like I was scared of Two-Bit, but more like I was scared of what he would do.

Two-Bit stood up from where he'd been kneeling by my side. I felt the warm tears escape my eyes and taunt me. Taunt me just how they always had from the time I was nine until now.

"That…That fucking sonofabitch," Two-Bit rammed his fist into the wall, causing me to cringe.

I tried to speak, tried to make something form into some kind of a word.

_Calm, stop, please. _Nothing came, even though I begged my throat to gather up all the strength it could muster and say something.

I couldn't even blink, afraid I'd miss a move of Two-Bit's that could lead to something bad.

Two-Bit brought his hands up and slowly rubbed them down his face, his knuckles on his right hand bloodied from his punch. How did that not make him cry? Why didn't greasers, men in particular, cry? I was a greaser, sure, but I didn't get it. How could you just not cry?

"That bastard.." Two-Bit mumbled obscenities under his breath as his eyes darted back and forth, "How could even think of- The monster- 15 years old-Just a kid."

The last words hit me the most. _Just a kid. _That's all I was, wasn't I? I was just some scared little kid. It didn't matter that I was fifteen, I was still just a kid. I was raped. I was a kid who was raped.

I was a fifteen year old kid who was raped by her step father.

_How? Why? When? Where? _These were nothing but little questions that meant absolutely zero to me. The only thing that hit me was truth. My age, my youth and my pride were the only things my mind would allow to roam.

"Liz, why didn't you tell me?" The question was obviously a rhetorical one by how he asked it. Two-Bit leaned his forehead and his right forearm against the wall, "If I ever see that slimy bastard again I swear-"

Two-Bit never finished that sentence. He banged his fist hard against the worn out walls. I was actually very surprised a hole, or even a decent sized crack, hadn't formed.

Two-Bit turned on his heels and made his way down the stairs and out the house. I found somewhat of a voice.

"Wait," It was barely a whisper and didn't even have an effect on the thundering Two-Bit. I heard the front door slam and was afraid the impact had broken the hinges. The sob I'd been holding in my throat found an exit and I heaved myself foreword as my body racked.

What was he planning on doing? He surely wasn't going after Jack. That could be one of the stupidest things to do. Two-Bit may have been tough, but he definitely held nothing to the 260 pound man we were forced to live with.

If Two-Bit hurt himself or got into some kind of trouble, I was almost positive I'd have no where to go. Even the thought of something like that happening caused my stomach to flip over. I held onto myself, hoping I wouldn't have to throw up anything again.

I slowly stood, my legs shaking like no other. I had to hold onto the wall just to keep myself upright.

"Oh God…." I whispered quietly to myself, saying a slight prayer. I wasn't much of a religious person, but if there was ever a time to start it'd probably be then.

I felt like my head was spinning. I didn't understand why this was such a big deal.

Why couldn't I just take a deep breath and let everything go? I didn't know why.

I slowly walked down the steps, holding the rail with my free hand. My ribs hurt from my racking sobs so I tried my hardest to calm down.

When I got down I slowly made my way to the couch. I sat down carefully and held my head in my hands. I slowly shook my head, trying to make myself forget the past few moments.

"Two-Bit's not stupid," I told myself quietly, "He may be slow, but he's definitely not stupid."

I dug my palms into my eyes as I took a deep, shaky breath. I felt my tears slowly subside as I calmed myself down with the breaths. The even breaths that could cause me to be at peace or hallucinate insanely.

I lay out along the couch, trying to recollect myself. No matter how I'd told Two-Bit I was pretty sure my reaction would've been similar to one I'd just had.

I closed my eyes slowly, trying to ignore the pounding in my head. I found my tears calming down completely, but my body slowly shook anyways. I took deep breaths.

As my body evened it's breathing and stopped shaking as roughly, I found myself slowly drifting off as I shivered. A shaky yawn escaped my lips as I slowly fell into an unrestful slumber.

"_Two-Bit, where are you going?" I ask quietly, my eyes lowering. Two-Bit looks ahead of himself and smirks slightly._

"_Don't worry about it Liz, I'm just taking care of business," He replies, lighting a cigarette. He slicks his hair back slightly, once retrieving his lighter to his pocket._

"_Two-Bit don't- I mean- please just be careful," I warn carefully. Two-Bit throws a wacky grin my way and playfully pushes my shoulder._

"_Ah c'mon kid. I ain't stupid," Two-Bit replies, his cocky attitude returning. I find myself grinning slightly at Two-Bit's childish ways of acting._

"_I know," I reply slowly, "Just-be smart."_

_Two-Bit bows, "Of course."_

_I try to nod, give an honest smile. Every time I try, though, I just can't seem to bring myself to fulfill the task._

_Two-Bit cocks an eyebrow and gives me a knowing look._

"_You ok?"_

_I nod my heads slowly, "Sure."_

_Two-Bit shrugs and suddenly we were no longer just with each other._

_I stand about 10 feet away from Two-Bit and across from him is a dark figure. I can't make out who it is, but an unsettling feeling settles in my stomach._

"_Two-Bit wha-?"_

_He heolds his hand up to silence me. I'm slightly taken aback, but obey nonetheless. _

_My eyes widen as the shadowed person comes into my view. I feel myself start to hyperventilate and I shake uncontrollably. _

"_J-jack?"_

_He smirks evilly, "That's right sweet heart." _

_Two-Bit's teeth ground together as his eyes flash the anger I can tell is swelling up inside of him._

"_I'd watch what you say to her if I were you," He spits, glaring daggers. Jack just lets out a cold, hard laugh and shakes his head. _

_I don't even realized I am crying until I feel the drips on my hands. When I look down, though, I realize they aren't just tears._

_It is blood._

_My mouth opens as if I want to say something, but nothing comes out. My breath is raspy, causing me to have sharp intakes of breath._

_I gasp as my eyes fly back and forth between Two-Bit and Jack. They circle each other, as if they are within a wrestling ring. _

"_Two-Bit don't-" I try to warn him even though I already have several times. It doesn't seem like it is getting through his head._

"_Don't worry Lizzy, I got this," he replies easily. For some reason, though, I'm not sure he did have it. _

"_Sure ya' do," Jack taunts, "Keith you've got it all under control."_

_The laugh Jack produces causes me to shrink back, trying to hide. Sadly, there is no where to crawl under where I can be safe. I feel numb, as if ice has crept along my entire body._

_I watch as Jack keeps the ugly smirk across his face. It causes my spine to tingle and I just want away from everyone and everything._

_I want so badly to distract myself, to kiss Soda or some sleazy guy at Buck's, it doesn't matter. I just want something to make me not watch Jack like this. _

_Images pour into my head of Jack's body, laying on top of mine. Forcing me to do unimaginable things. _

_I shake my head vigorously, trying my absolute hardest to erase the pictures._

_I look back up and gasp._

_There is Jack, holding a gun up to Two-Bit's head. Two-Bit just stands there, motionless, his eyes are closed._

_I am slightly confused at first to what is going on. I feel like laughing, as if insanity is taking it's toll on me. I need to be put in a straight jacket as soon as possible. _

'_I warned him,' I think to myself, 'I told him to be careful.'_

"_Jack don't," I say with more force than I think I am able to project. All Jack does is shake his head and laugh._

"_Please no," I say louder, wanting to scream, but not being able to find the heart to do it._

_Jack's finger lead towards the trigger. He starts to pull back slowly._

_Then I hear a click._

"_No!"_

_Blood splatters everywhere and I try to run forward to Two-Bit, but I can't go anywhere. No matter how hard I run it gets me no where. _

_Jack starts to fade with an evil laugh following slowly behind him. I try to get towards Two-Bit, but his lifeless body sits motionless on the ground and I know there is nothing I can do._

_I shot up off the rough couch, sweat pouring all over me. My breathing was heavy and I could tell I'd been crying._

"_Oh God…." I said slowly, holding my head, "I gotta get out of here."_

_I knew I needed a distraction and I didn't want to bother Soda at work. He still didn't know Two-Bit was okay with everything. I got up slowly and steadied myself._

"_Buck's it is," I said to myself, slowly walking upstairs to get ready._

_XXXThe music wasn't as loud as normal, but there were still a lot of people. _

_The other day when I'd done the pole it hurt like hell with my ribs and wrist, so I decided against it. All that was left to do was make out with several guys. _

_I didn't figure it cheating on Soda, considering I thought of it as a job and no one here really recognized me. It wasn't like I had a big name in the town or anything._

"_Well ain't you a good lookin' broad?"_

_I turned on my heals to look into the face of Jonathon Crimson. He wasn't that bad of a guy, and I doubted he knew who I was. I saw him hanging around Curly Sheperd once or twice, but I was pretty sure he mostly bummed around with the Brumly Boys. _

"_Uh, hi," I said, quickly catching how uncomfortable I was starting to feel. This had happened the other night too. No matter what guy I was talking to or kissing it always seemed like I was almost scared._

_It had seemed that I felt like that around guys in general, but I'd rather be scared of these guys than Jack._

"_How 'bout I get you something to drink?" He asked me. I tried my hardest to man up, act like I normally would around these guys. I wanted to try and lead them on, but flashes of jack reappeared in my head._

"_Sure," I told him slowly. It was never this hard. _

_He came back a few minutes later._

"_Here sweetheart," he handed me a beer, already opened. I gratefully took a sip and found myself loosen up slightly. _

_Before you knew it we were making out in the middle of the room, like so many others were doing. I knew everything I was doing was show, but with the beer and kissing all my problems seemed to fade away for the moment._

_Being half drunk helped me to get the scared feeling around men out of me and caused me to act how I normally would a little more._

_From my kiss I looked up across the room and saw someone smirking at me. I smirked back for a second, thinking it was my next "client", until I realized who it was. _

_I pulled away from the kiss, my eyes wide._

"_Aw, shit."_


	11. Bad Boy

**Sorry about the italics not stopping last chapter. The site does it and I really wish it didn't. I'm sorry for not posting very much, but my life has gotten very hectic lately. School starts and I will try my best to update as much as possible. **

**8th**** grade for me this year, and that means top dog at my school! Well, I want to thank reviewers and for everyone's support. Hope this chapter is satisfying!**

I pulled away from Jonathon and felt my eyes widen. I could still taste the lingering of beer in my mouth from my drink. I licked my lips softly and quickly glanced towards Jonathon, who seemed slightly confused.

"Baby what-" I held my hand up to show him I needed him to be quiet. He shook his head and glared towards me. I didn't look at him because confrontations weren't my forte in front of the public eye.

The face at least 10 feet away from me held the same smirk and I wanted to cry. I wanted to thrash around and throw the tantrum of the century, but I held my composure anyways.

"I'll be right back," I told Jonathon quietly, holding up my index finger. I could feel him roll his eyes from behind as I walked away.

I wasn't quite sure why I was walking right into my death, but I was. I guess it was like a problem I had, ya know? Like when you swear to God that someone has broken in, but you look all around the house anyways even if they are there because you'd rather find them then them find you.

When I got to him, it seemed like his smirk hardened.

"Well, well. What do we have here?" he blew a small amount of his cigarette smoke in my face, causing me to cough slightly and blink my eyes quickly, "Ms. Elizabeth Mathews?"

He cocked an eyebrow, laughing slightly. I scowled, crossing my arms over my barely covered chest.

"I never thought you were like this," he gestured around the room. I rolled my eyes, but looked around for a moment. It wasn't until then that I actually got a good look at it.

There were people dancing, others just smoking and talking. Some were shouting obnoxiously at one another, while some were making out.

It even looked like some were making it to third base in the very back corner.

I shivered slightly, then turned back to him. I tucked a small piece of brown hair behind my ear, as I suddenly got very interested in the floor.

"What are you doing here Dally?" I asked quietly. He wasn't used to me acting like how I'd been only a few minutes ago. Nor was I used to acting like that around him.

He laughed and it was so taunt-like that I wanted to claw his eyes out, "I live here," and it was then I realized how stupid I could really be.

It took a moment for me to take all of that in.

He knew. I was screwed.

I looked up at him, biting my lip.

"How'd you know it was me?" I questioned. I'd always been careful, always. If I knew Two-bit or any one else from the gang would be there at a time I would, I skipped out.

Dally shrugged as he blew a little more smoke into the air, "It's not like you're the hardest broad to pick out of a crowd," he said, giving a slight smile. I shook my head as I looked towards the ground, feeling a pressuring weight being set on my shoulders.

My make up must not have been as good a cover up as I had thought all this time.

"I just gotta question," he started again, "How'd you keep this shit from the brother almighty?"

I was looking away from him. What was I supposed to say? I shrugged my shoulders.

"It wasn't the hardest thing I'd ever done," I didn't want to say the wrong thing, but nothing really seemed right. He gave out a loud laugh, but no one seemed to notice.

I turned my head for a quick second, realizing Jonathon had already found a new girl to play tonsil hockey with. Thanks to Dally I probably wouldn't be getting much pay tonight. The thought caused me to roll my eyes out of force of habit.

I turned back around, realizing Dally was just staring at me. His face was hard, serious and overall very confusing. I tried to cock my eyebrow, like Two-bit had so many times before, but I couldn't get it.

I sighed and looked around the room once more as I searched for what to say inside my mind. I turned back once again and fixed my eyes to Dally, as I leaned in closer.

"You're- you're not gonna tell Two-Bit," I asked quietly, worry filling my voice, "Right?"

Dally scoffed and stuck his cigarette into an empty beer bottle nearby, "Now why would I do that?"

He laughed again and it was really starting to get on my nerves. It was then that I really wished I had my beer bottle in my hand because there was no doubt that I'd crack it over the smart asses head.

"Dally…" I trailed off slowly, trying to get him to stop acting like a dickhead. He just chuckled slightly and held his hands up in defense.

"Alright, alright," he said calmly, smirking again, "I might need a little something."

He held his pointer finger and thumb about half an inch apart to prove his point. I gave him a curious look then shrugged my shoulders up.

"What is it?"

He smiled, showing all his teeth. I really didn't want to know the answer to my question, but I also didn't want Two-bit to know my secret. It was just to help out with money and stuff anyways. There never was a need for him to know.

"Just…err," he stopped for a moment, thinking of what to say, "join me upstairs," he smirked once again as he started to light another cigarette, "Will ya'?"

I stepped back a step quickly, my eyes wide. I shook my head slowly, trying to find what to say.

"What the hell?" was the only thing I could think of saying. Dally looked up, letting out a laugh while rolling his eyes.

"C'mon Lizzy," he grabbed my arm with his right hand, "Two-bit don't have to know."

I was confused. I knew Dally only cared about Dally, but I wouldn't think he'd try this with his friends sister.

"Dally- just-just stop," it sounded more like a plead them a command, but I wasn't really in control of myself at the moment. I pulled my arm away, but he just stepped that much closer to me.

"Oh c'mon," he rolled his eyes, " I've seen you here over and ove-"

"Then how come you never said anything before?"

He didn't even need to answer, though, because I knew.

Dallas Winston always got what he wanted and before he had enough girls to get laid to up in his cheap room. Sadly, now, I was his next option and here I was.

If I said no my life would be over, if I said yes my emotions would break even more.

It was then that I could see a slight bit of Jack inside of Dally. I didn't know if he'd be like him someday, but he'd definitely not be the friendliest neighbor on the street.

"Oh, ya' know…." he trailed off and I wanted to run away. This was hard.

"Dally, I'm not gonna-"

"Oh that's fine," he cut me off and I glared slightly, "I just hope Two-bit enjoys the good news."

I rubbed my face in the palm of my good hand as I let out a heavy sigh.

"Why can't we just keep this between us?" I asked, exasperated. He smirked.

"Why can't we just take this upstairs?" he counter asked. I rolled my eyes and felt the lump in my throat increase.

I looked away and shook my head.

"No Dally."

He was very silent and it seemed like hours before he replied. Finally, he did.

"Okay," He shook his head with an evil smirk, "Have fun sorting this shit out with the brother."

I shook my head with my mouth formed in an "o", but he simply pushed past me over to the other side of the room.

I stood there, confused and feeling helpless. What was I going to do? He was going to tell Two-bit because I didn't feel like having sex with him?

This was one hell of a fucking disaster.

It was almost as if I was in a trance that I sincerely needed to get out of.

I quickly shook my head and ran out of Buck's like I was being chased by a killer. It was slightly difficult because, being the intelligent person I am, I decided to wear heels. I groaned in pain as the straps of my shoes dug into my skin until I finally stopped running halfway down the street.

I sat down over in the grass off to the side, slowly taking my heels off. I rubbed my feet carefully while I looked up to see if there was anyone around.

There wasn't, but if it hadn't been for the street light and the bright lights coming from Buck's down the road it would be pitch black out. I closed my eyes and leaned back as I felt tears pushing themselves onward.

For once I stopped them and stood up slowly. This day could not get any worse.

For one, I didn't even know where Two-bit was. Secondly, as happy as I would be to know he was safe, the next time I saw him I'd probably get my head ripped off.

I started walking back towards my house, holding my heels with my good hand. I was going to have to sneak in through a lower window because of my wrist. I wouldn't be able to climb up the pipe. The other day no one had been home when I got back. This time, though, I wasn't sure who would or would not be there.

I walked carefully down the road, passing a few more houses with parties on my way. They weren't as crazy as Buck's, but they were close enough to good.

Some younger kids who weren't old enough to be interested in parties were running around in the lot. They were smoking, drinking, and just thinking they were so badass.

I remembered when I was twelve and I'd found one of Two-bit's six packs and his pack of cigarettes. I thought I was the coolest person on earth for hanging around the park, smoking my first cigarette and taking sips of beer.

Of course, that only lasted until Two-bit caught me while walking by. He yelled at me about it for a few hours and wouldn't talk to me for awhile.

To this day I still wonder if he was more mad about me smoking and drinking or if it was just the fact that I'd stolen them from him.

I shook my head as I settled the memory back in my brain. I looked back over to the kids once again.

There were 4 boys and I recognized them all from the area. They bummed around the alley between the middle school and high school a lot. Where we lived, that made you tuff as a junior highs man. If you weren't too chicken to ditch and smoke a stick over in the back alley.

I'd never done it because my closest friend back then had been Sue Jenkins and she was expected to always be good at school or else she'd be in some deep shit at home. Her parents were nice and everything, but very strict.

She probably didn't even know what smoking was until that year. Like I said, strict parents.

Sue moved the next year after her dad found a job in Northern Texas.

I turned away from the kids as one started yelling at another and I shook my head.

My house was just around the corner and when I reached the driveway I noticed Jack's truck set at an odd angle. I felt myself shudder slightly, but brushed it off.

He was probably asleep anyways.

I quietly tip toed toward the window entering the living room. It was at the front of the house, around five feet to the left of the front door. I tried my hardest to stand on my toes to peer in.

Laying half on- half off the couch was my mom. Her mouth was hanging open slightly and I saw she still had her work uniform on.

I shook my head slowly, thinking about how she always over worked herself which caused her to be irritant and ignorant.

I sighed, realizing this window was too high up for me to climb in without making a hell of a lot of noise. Not too mention this window was probably too high for my wrist to take also.

I took one more glance at my mother as my mouth formed a straight line. I felt a sting inside my chest, but pushed it away as I continued around the house.

I walked slowly, avoiding the random metal and trash spread out across our lawn. I mumbled curses to myself as my foot stepped in some mud. I rolled my eyes at my own ignorance and continued to move towards the next window

It's lower than the first and I breathe a sigh of relief as I realize no one is in that room. I cup my hands around my eyes to get a closer look and that's when I realize I'm looking into the bathroom.

The only thing I was worried about then was the window being locked.

I pushed up and, despite being slightly squeaky, the rectangular piece of glass shifted up with ease.

I quietly dropped my heels into the window and relaxed my muscles for a moment.

I pulled myself up carefully with my good hand as I settled my right foot carefully up against the wall. I pulled myself over so half of my body was hanging in the house and the other half out.

I grabbed onto the shower curtain on my left, hoping to catch myself when I came the rest of the way in. I gripped tight and took a small breath.

I heaved myself over, but sadly the shower curtain wasn't strong enough to hold my weight. It fell, as did I.

I landed with a hard _thud, helping to knock the wind out of me._

"_Oh shit," I cursed, as I breathed heavily. My eyes widened as I heard a grunt outside in the hall. I slammed myself into the shower, praying that I hadn't been heard._

_Fat chance._

_I heard low mumbling as I saw Jack slowly walk into the bathroom. My heart raced as he stubbed his toe on the sink, cursing to himself._

"_Damn sink, move outta my fuckin' way," He mumbled, scratching himself, "No respect. No damn respect."_

_He coughed a little as he went to stand in front of the toilet. I heard his zipper unzip as he began to urinate. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back carefully as I waited for him to finish._

_I heard him zip his zipper back up and breathed a silent sigh of relief._

"_Aw fuck!" He yelled. I gasped as I realized he'd stepped on the heel of my upturned shoe. His ears erked slightly as he turned his head slightly. _

_I brought my hand to my mouth as I felt tears daring to flow. Jack grunted and kicked the heel out of his way, uttering curses while shaking his head. He trudged out of the bathroom and I swallowed the lump in my throat. _

_I looked down, wiping my eyes._

_I quickly stood as quietly as I could, grabbing my heels. I fled for my bedroom, hoping to get a restful night of sleep. If Two-bit knew by tomorrow, well then, God knows I needed it._


	12. You Found Me

I woke up the next morning feeling as sick as a damn dog.

I'd shot out of bed after a fitful night of sleepless worry. My mind had dared to take me to my crazy imagination where all the things Two-bit could possibly say would come crashing.

My eyes had dark circles under them and to be completely honest, I felt like shit. What a great way to start the day, am I right?

Two-bit still hadn't come home yet and I was starting to get worried. What if he'd gotten drunk? Hit by a car? What if he'd been drunk and hit someone else with his car? What if-

I stopped the thoughts brewing up a storm inside my head because of the fact I was giving myself a headache. I rubbed my temple on the left side of my head with my good hand.

I couldn't wait to get that wrap off. Not only did it cease me from doing everyday activities, but it was also starting to itch and smell odd.

I closed my eyes and got up to get something to help my aching self. I walked into the kitchen, rubbing my palm over my face.

Once I looked up I jumped.

"Jesus!" I held my hand to my chest as I breathed in a sigh of relief, "Ma, you scared me."

She waved me off as she took a small sip of her coffee, puckering her lips at the taste. I raised my eyebrows, but walked past anyways.

If I didn't know any better it seemed like my mom looked even worse then I did. Which, judging by my appearance, was pretty bad.

Her hair was matted and greasy all over. She had her old, blue robe on over one of her torn night gowns. She also had dark circles under her eyes, but they also sunk low, showing how worn out working as a barmaid could make your years look. She looked as pale as ghost, and my guess was that was from lack of sleep. If I was a few years younger, I'd have guessed she was dead.

I reached into one of the cabinets, searching for the aspirin, "Er Ma?" I called quietly. She turned her head slightly, the exact same expression on her face, "Doncha' got work?"

I wasn't one to get riled up when someone was going to be late for work, but Dally's threat was making me nervous about everything at the moment. I dry swallowed three aspirins and turned to look at my mom. She shrugged her shoulders and my face scrunched up.

"Ma?"

Her lip quivered slightly and I wondered if I'd said the wrong thing, or if Jack had left her for the week. I wondered if she knew something about Two-bit that I didn't or if it was just her time of the month.

I walked closer to her, "Ey' Ma. You okay?"

She shook her head a little and I looked into her eyes.

"I was fired, Liz," when she said this I thought I'd misheard, but the look on her face told me I hadn't.

"What? Why?" I questioned, groaning internally about the recent misfortune I'd had in my life. She gave out a small laugh and shrugged.

"I dunno," she looked towards the wall intently, as if something wild lied beyond it, "I guess, they just needed some younger folk. Ya' know?"

I looked down as she said that. I could see the years catching up with my mom. There had been a point where she was full of life and could probably pass for her late twenties. Nowadays, though, I wouldn't even bet on early forties.

Even for a drunk my mom had been a fairly good looking women, but time catches all of us at some point. Her hair was starting to gray, frown lines were intent and she just had an elderly sense to her.

"Aw Ma, I'm sorry," and I really was. Just because I wasn't very close to my mother didn't mean I was going to ignore it when she was upset. Unless it was over Jack leaving, then she could mourn all by her lonesome.

Sometimes I did need to step back and take a reality check, though. My mom had lost a husband not six years ago, causing her to turn to alcohol. Not to mention, her sonofabitch husband had taken over our lives.

She knew it, but she wasn't going to do anything about it.

My mom was afraid of loss and if that meant keeping Jack with her forever, despite his torturous ways, well then she wouldn't do anything about that problem.

My mom buried her head in her hands and let out a choked sob. She shook her head, and rubbed her hands down her face. I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I just don't know what we'll do now," she threw her hands in the air, "Jack doesn't have a job, God knows Two-bit wouldn't consider one and you- well their ain't much a girl your age can do."

'Sure,' I thought to myself. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"Ma, c'mon. We'll get by, we always have," and even I said this I bit my lip, knowing it wasn't true. As long as Dally followed through on his threat then we probably had no chance of getting by at all.

If only Dally would've know our financial situation, but there was no chance in me telling him now. I wouldn't have a clue where he was and I was starting to feel worse. I was stubborn when I was sick.

"Oh sweetie, you're so naïve," she laughed lamely. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, instead crossing my arms over my chest. It seemed like a more subtle gesture.

I couldn't stay too annoyed, though. I hadn't seen my mom like this, sober, in awhile. I was sure the whole drinking thing was passed down from my mom to Two-bit. Except, Two-bit wasn't a drunk. He just knew how to have a good time.

I shook my head, "I'm serious Ma," I itched my arm uncomfortably, "We'll figure something out."

She just waved me on again and I knew that in a few hours my mom wouldn't be the same woman she was right then.

I sighed and turned, heading toward the living room.

I now had another thing to put on my list of worries and things to run through my mind during the long-lasting nights. I laughed at my own problems for a moment and it made me feel insane.

I shook my head and tried to stop thinking about my problems. At the moment, though, it seemed the only thing I even had was my problems.

I sighed and sat on the couch, hiding my face in my hands. I thought about getting my hands permanently placed there. It'd save a lot of energy.

If living an easy life wasn't so much effort, life would be boring. At this point, though, I'd settle for boring.

I groaned.

Life was just a little shit.

I smiled at my thoughts and for a moment I thought I really was going crazy. Was it normal to laugh at life sucking?

Possibly, possibly not.

I shrugged my shoulders, realizing I was responding to myself. I held my head in my good hand.

"I'm fucking out of my mind," I mumbled to myself. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the couch. I had a sick feeling in my stomach and it was making me queasy.

I held onto it with my left hand as I took deep breaths. I didn't want to puke. It wasn't really on my agenda for the day.

I ignored the persistent ache in my stomach and decided to find something to distract myself. It was obviously too early to go to Buck's and I really couldn't bother Soda at work. I hadn't even seen him since Two-bit had gotten pissed over the fact he liked me.

I wasn't sure what was going on between us anymore, but if we were going together, no one would know it. I shook my head, trying to stop thinking about everything so much.

I listened as I heard grumbling come from upstairs, most likely Jack. He sounded in pain.

Haha. Serves you right you stupid drunk.

I smirked slightly at my own thoughts. It felt good to laugh at him for once, ya' know? Instead of listening to him laugh and watch him smirk over what he'd done to me.

I felt myself tense over the single thought of that night. Wow, I was pretty screwed up. I could've sworn to God I was going fucking mad.

I watched as Jack lazily stumbled down the steps. He didn't even glance my way, but he looked pissed and I was not about to have another run in with that fellow.

I leapt from the place where I'd been sitting, deciding it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I bothered Soda at work. Besides, him and Steve could've known where Two-bit was. Which, for as scared as I was about Dally's threat, I really hoped they did.

I grabbed onto my jacket and headed out the door. It was unusually chilly for the summer, but it had been warm and apparently a cold wave had hit. Was there such a thing as a cold wave? I'd have to remember to ask my science teacher once school started up again.

We didn't live too far from the DX. It normally took about fifteen minutes to walk there, twenty if you decided to screw around on the way.

I found myself kicking at small pebbles along the way and I wondered what those pebbles, if they could, would be thinking.

They got kicked around all the time, skipped across water, thrown far distances, stepped on and you'd never hear them complain.

That's partly because they don't have a mouth, but I started thinking that they might not talk about it if they could anyways, kinda like me.

Jack knocked me around, roughed me up, quite a bit. But when in Sam Hill did I ever bother complaining to anybody about it?

I didn't.

Pebbles, though, were the lucky ones. Since they weren't living, breathing and such they didn't have to go through the pain of feeling.

I did.

Now, I found that to be pretty profound thinking for someone like myself. Ya' know, comparing myself to a pebble? Then I kicked the pebble as hard as I could.

"Yeah right. I'm just bein' stupid," I muttered to myself, thinking more on the possibility of me getting closer to insanity. I brushed it off, deciding it was just me playing jokes on myself from being a little shook up the night before.

I finally reached the DX, trying to stop my imagination as I opened the door. The little bell rang to inform workers they had a costumer.

"Welcome to the DX," Soda called, absentmindedly. I didn't see Steve so I figured he must've been in the back, fixing someone's car.

"Hey," I said back, pushing some brown hair behind my ear. Soda looked up and grinned goofily. It gave me a small reason to smile slightly.

"Hey Liz," he set something on the counter by the register, "Long time no see."

I gave a small laugh, "really," I looked around the store. I didn't come in that often, never used to at least.

When Two-bit used to have to take me places before I was old enough to be alone he'd bum around here sometimes. I'd just stand right inside the door, arms crossed over my chest, pouting about how I wanted to go to the park.

I never was sure what Two-bit found interesting in that gas station because it wasn't like he knew anyone else who bummed around back then. I figured he thought it was the easiest place to swipe something without getting caught.

Soda nodded toward me, "Your wrist any better?"

I shrugged and looked it over, "Yeah I guess. I think it'll be good to go in a few days or so."

Soda smiled, "Good."

There wasn't much more to be said, except for Two-bit of course.

"Hey have you-uh-seen my brother around?" I wanted to smack myself on the forehead for how nervous I sounded, but I didn't, not in the mood to look stupid.

He shook his head once.

"Nup, can't say I have," he pointed his thumb in the direction of the back room, "Hold up, I'll ask Steve," he cupped his hands around his mouth, " Ey' Steve-o!"

Steve walked out a second later, rubbing grease on his jeans, "Yeah Sodapop? Whaddya' want?"

He looked over and saw me, "Hey Liz."

I gave a small wave then looked back to Soda.

"Oh yeah. You seen Two-bit around lately?"

"You mean your brother?" Steve asked, looking towards me. I rolled my eyes.

"No, I mean my horse," I replied sarcastically, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Well, there ain't no doubt he's your brother. You both come up with smart ass comments like that," he snapped his fingers as he muttered his reply. I growled.

"Just answer the question please," I grumbled to him. He rolled his eyes, picking up a 'Playboy' from a rack.

"No ma'am. I ain't seen your _horse _anywhere."

I rolled my eyes again, but nodded.

"Well that's just fucking great," I mumbled to myself.

"Nice tongue," Steve called from where he'd decided to sit down to skim through his magazine. I glared at him.

"Are you in like some strange funk or something?" I shot at him, "Like, where you act like you have a fucking rod up your ass?"

Soda tried to hide his laugh, while Steve glared at me, searching for his comeback. He smirked.

"I dunno, are you like on your period or something?"

This comment caused Soda to slip up and he could no longer hide his laughter.

I had to admit, Steve was one helluva guy to pick a fight with. This really did get my mind off of things. I smirked at him, shaking my head. He looked away and back at his magazine.

"You two are like an old married couple," Soda teased, fumbling with some mechanical piece in his hand. I shook my head while Steve was too focused on his reading material. Soda laughed lightly at his own joke, "So why you lookin' for ol' Two-bit anyways?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Haven't seen him since yesterday."

Steve laughed, "Aw, don't worry. He probably got boozed up or something. I'd bet 10 bucks he's somewhere getting' over a hangover."

I shrugged my shoulders, not sure what I thought of that. It was a possibility and Jack hadn't said anything about Two-bit. If something like that was pissing Jack off you'd hear him grumbling about it underneath his breath. Believe me, I'd know.

I wiped a slight amount of sweat off my brow and laughed quietly.

"It's a lot warmer in here then out there," I pointed behind me as I started to take my jacket off. As I slipped it off a twenty dollar bill fell out of the pocket. I bent down to pick it up, setting my jacket on the floor. I heard the bell ding by the door from behind me.

"Where'd you get that money?" Soda asked curiously.

"Buck's," I answered, before I even realized what I'd said. My eyes widened as I covered my mouth. Steve had looked up by then.

"Doin' what?"

I knew what they were thinking. There wasn't much else a girl could do at Buck's to get money other then being a prostitute. I wasn't though.

Before I could speak, though, an angry voice came from behind me.

"What?" The voice said. I was frozen for a moment, not expecting to be in this situation.

"I can't believe this! You're exactly what he said!" it shouted, angrier then I'd ever heard, "You're just a little whore!" The voice screamed from behind me. I turned, but I didn't need to look to know who it was. My mouth formed into an 'o'.

"No…no Two-bit….you don't-" I tried, but he wouldn't listen. The next thing that happened I'd never guessed was even possible.

His hand collided with my face and I gasped, stepping back. Soda was at my side in an instant, trying to calm everyone down.

"Ey' c'mon now!" he yelled. Steve was standing up, trying to get the pissed off Two-bit to settle down. I could feel the warm tears flowing down my face as I held onto my cheek. Soda shushed me and made me let go of my cheek so he could check it.

I didn't particularly like the look on his face when he did.

"Two-bit what the hell was that about," Steve asked as Soda looked their way. I looked towards the ground, my lip quivering.

" Oh , did word not get to them yet?" Two-bit spat the question at me. I looked up slowly, tears falling freely. Two-bit laughed to himself, "Dally told me what you've been doin' Liz," he paused for a second, "I know."

I got a slight bit of courage and growled, "Like hell you know!" I through my hands up and I could see Steve and Soda staring at me, " Dally don't know anything! He was making up a bunch of shit!"

Two-bit scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, "Dally may not be the best guy around, but he wouldn't lie to a buddy."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. He believed Dally over me? His own sister? Hell no.

" He tried to get me to sleep with him Two-bit!" I could sense Soda tensing and it looked like Two-bit did slightly too.

"Well it sure looks like you woulda done it willingly," he growled and I choked slightly on my own tears. Fuck Dally. This was ridiculous.

"You're a dick!" I yelled at Two-bit. He shook his head and if I didn't know any better I'd say he was smirking.

"Well you would know one," I felt my face get hot as I realized Soda and Steve were listening to all of this. Here I was, getting accused of sleeping around, and my sort of boyfriend and his best buddy were right there. Soda held a hand up.

"C'mon now-" Steve tried to step in, but Two-bit cut him off.

"Ya' know what else?" he spat and I wiped some of the oncoming tears away, " I bet you were lyin' about the whole thing with Jack ," he smirked. I felt myself tense and start to shake a little. What was he talking about? Why would he even say that?

"Shut up," I tried, but he ignored me.

"No Liz. Cuz' I think you wanted that from him. I think you lead him on," I gasped at what he said. Where the fuck did that come from? He knew better!

Steve and Soda looked as confused as ever. I shook my head slowly.

"Shut up Two-bit," I tried again, but he wasn't having it.

"I think you told him that you did stuff for money. Stuff he'd enjoy."

"Two-bit.." Steve warned, but he waved him off. I couldn't believe my ears and for a moment I wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere safe, no troubles or problems. Like Heaven or something.

"I bet you held him close, told him his dreams could come true," he sounded so evil, so, not Two-bit. I shook my head a little harder. Why the fuck would he bring this up? I was in fucking hysterics the day before. I wasn't that great at lying or anything.

"Shut the hell up Two-bit."

"But after you were done," he let out a low laugh, "You realized the nastiness behind it all," he smirked and it was like a punch in the gut, "And so, you made it all up.," he shook his head, " 'Jack raped you, forced you into something you didn't want to do', but really you wanted it the whole time."

I felt an anger I'd never felt before brew inside of me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Actually, I was almost wishing I was getting hit with a ton of bricks right then. I'd at least not have to listen to Two-bit.

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed, trying to dodge for Two-bit, but Soda held me back. Tears sprung from my eyes and I was in hysterics for the second time that week, "You're a fucking liar! You don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

Two-bit started talking again as if everything I'd just said had gone in one ear and right out the other.

"And to think I was goin' to beat the slimy bastard up," his voice got cold, "That was, until I ran into Dallas on the way home."

I fought through Soda's grip, but it was strong and I wasn't.

"He lied to you Two-bit!" I said to him. He rolled his eyes, "I swear to God he lied!"

Two-bit growled shaking his head, "Then how the hell did you get the money at Buck's?"

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came. No matter how hard I tried, the real truth wouldn't come out. Maybe because, it still wasn't much better then being a prostitute.

Two-bit crossed his arms over his chest, "That's what I thought."

He turned and left the DX. I was still struggling against Soda's grip, but finally stopped as I lost all my energy.

I collapsed and as I did the tears were overwhelming me.

How the hell could this happen?

**A/N: So the summary part finally came! I'd like to let you guys know I started a new story called 'Going Places.' I did get the high school name wrong, but I will fix it. It's a Steve fic because I just don't see enough of those.**

**Review!**


	13. Overboard

**A/N: Thanks for all the amazing reviews last chapter. Keep um' coming! **

**Just a little warning, some parts of this chapter could be considered M. It probably happened in other chapters too, but I always forget the warning. Also, this story will soon be over. Insert tear here. **

My mind was racing while sobs racked my body.

Soda and Steve just stood there, watching me as my body was overcome by my emotions. God knows what they were thinking about me at the moment.

Two-bit was wrong, though. I didn't sleep around. I would never, but apparently my word wasn't good enough.

I wasn't saying that what I did do was alright, but it sure wasn't as slutty as being a prostitute, right? I mean, all I did was make out with guys and _possibly _a little bit of pleasing. That couldn't possibly be as bad.

I looked up slowly at Steve and Soda. They looked extremely uncomfortable. I shook my head, starting to stand up.

"I-I'm sorry," I said, grabbing my jacket, "I just can't believe-" I shook my head as tears kept falling.

My cheek stung and I knew there'd be a nice bruise there later. I took in a shaky breath.

"Listen, he's wrong," I looked up, giving a strange scoff, "It's fucking wrong."

It was almost as if I was talking more to myself then them, but that was okay. I needed the proof for myself.

He was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong.

Wasn't he?

I shook my head and started out of the store. Not only was this killing my self esteem, but it was extremely humiliating.

As soon as I got out the door I started running as fast as my legs would allow myself. The wind whipped the hot tears against my face, causing it to feel a little cooler. I breathed heavily as a sick feeling settled in my stomach.

What was wrong with me?

I really was going insane.

Damn.

I slowed down as I neared the corner of the path. I held my stomach, but knew that wouldn't stop anything from coming up.

I felt dizzy and exhausted, everything hitting me at once. I heaved myself foreword, coughing a little. My stomach twisted and anything I'd eaten in the past twelve hours was brought up.

I wished I had someone to comfort me, tell me everything was going to be alright. Sadly, though, I didn't.

I wiped my mouth and looked up towards the sky. The weather was pretty lousy, clouds and cold.

Suckish weather for my already suckish day? Fucking fantastic.

I laughed loudly, a laugh that taunted my own troubles. I squeezed my eyes shut tight as the laugh increased. People were staring, but who was I to care? In a few hours I'd probably have a name around this town and it probably wouldn't be a very enjoyable one.

For some reason, this was pretty funny. I mean, come one. How much bad luck can one person go through in their life?

Apparently a lot.

I stopped laughing, taking a few short breaths. I realized people really _were _looking, but it didn't matter.

I was still crying, the salty tears burning my cheeks. I choked back a sob as I pushed my hair out from in front of my face. I wiped some sweat off my forehead.

I started walking, my body shaking from my heavy crying. It suddenly seemed a lot more dense outside and it was bothering me. It was almost like everything was closing in. It reminded me of Jack, forcing me and closing me in. He wouldn't stop.

Now it felt like the world was closing in on me, hurting me. As if the earth was forcing me to do something, think about something and it was crazy.

I shook my head.

"Oh my God," I moaned, holding my hand to my aching forehead. I was going insane and it hurt.

XXX

I finally reached my house, tears still flowing freely. I was stumbling and I felt drunk, which wasn't exactly what I wanted to feel.

I walked into the house, the lousy feeling still there.

I flopped down onto the couch, shutting my eyes as tight as I could, trying to stop the tears from swimming.

My body tensed as everything ran through my head.

I couldn't help it. I let out a blood curdling scream.

It felt good, but it probably wasn't one of the smartest things I'd ever done.

Jack stumbled lazily into the room.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked, while I looked up at him. I rolled my eyes, wiping some more sweat off my forehead.

I smirked, "I'm not sure," I rubbed my chin pretending to think, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Now, you must understand, I was feeling pretty fucked up at that moment. Everything was hitting me at once again. Jack raping me, Dally trying to trick me and Two-bit accusing me about stuff he didn't even let me explain.

Jack's face was priceless and if I hadn't been so out of it I would've been scared. But, no.

I laughed.

"What do you think is so funny little girl?" He grumbled, an obvious edge to his voice. I was really regretting everything I'd ever done bad in my entire life, but that thought was tucked so far back inside my mind that I just pushed it away.

I rolled my eyes at Jack, laughing a little more, "Oh c'mon," I was really pushing my luck here, but why would I care? If no one else did why should I? "What in God's name would I be doing that would be funny enough to laugh about?"

I really was a pretty stupid person at that moment.

Jack scoffed, "Are you bein' smart with me?" he chuckled a little, "I don't like smart asses that much."

Maybe if I got him mad enough he'd hit me. Then, I would be knocked out for awhile and my worries would be gone for a couple of hours.

Yep, insanity was definitely overtaking me.

"I ain't bein' smart with anyone," I stated defensively. He apparently didn't appreciate my tone very much because he took a threatening step towards me and my heart skipped a beat as he did.

"I will beat you little girl," he smirked, that same smirk I had to suffer from in the alley, "and don't think I won't do other things."

I felt myself tense and he stepped even closer to me. My body was still sprawled out on the couch. My lousy feeling was being replaced by flat out fear.

"You know," and just the way he said that I didn't like how things were going, " you're a cute little thing."

My eyes widened as he pushed some of my hair out of my face. It was causing chills to run up and down my spine. More tears were springing and I was sweating bullets.

"Really got my blood boiling, ya' know?" he leaned down a little and my breath hitched in my throat, "Really heated me up."

I felt his breath as he leaned in close.

"You're a beautiful girl ya' know that?" he chuckled a little, leaning even closer. So close in fact, that we were almost cheek and cheek, "A real Beauty."

And this time I actually got the courage to do what I couldn't last time.

"Get the fuck off me!" I shot up from the couch and sprung to my feet. He looked baffled and I was just getting started.

I shook my head. Something had to be said. Something, anything! This wasn't fair. I shouldn't of had to deal with it. The pain and ignorance. That wasn't fair to me!

"I know you don't give a shit about me or what I have to say, but hell, I'm gunna say it anyways!" I was yelling my lungs out, but I didn't care. I needed to get this off my chest, "You, you're a monster! You're an ass and a jerk!" I took a breath, but it didn't help any.

He looked like he wanted to cut me off, but I wasn't going to let him. I was gunna get my words out even if it killed me. And by the look on Jack's face it looked as if death might occur.

"You don't deserve to fucking touch me just because you're a pervert!" I told him. Jack's face was scrunched up as he cringed.

"You're a fucked up man and you need help, but I know you wouldn't take it if you got the chance," I started to talk through gritted teeth, "You ruined my life. I don't give a damn if it was shit already because you made it about as bad as it could get!"

I thought about how my life probably hit it's all time low when Two-bit had yelled, but it really hadn't.

I'd already hit rock bottom. Two-bit's outburst just added more stuff to my problems on rock bottom.

"Don't you ever think that maybe you could've been a normal guy?" I sobbed out, holding my heart. I buried my face in my hands, letting out a couple of sobs.

"You're horrible, ya' know that?" I looked up, shaking my head, "You're fucking horrible," I yelled out.

When I looked back down I saw this look in Jack's eyes. It was one I recognized, but never from him.

I stared off, remembering.

XXX

_I was running around with Two-bit. I was four and he was seven. We weren't really old enough to walk around alone, only with friends, and everyone else was busy that day._

_Our mom was cooking dinner in the kitchen and our dad was outside, mowing the lawn. _

_Two-bit was kicking a ball to me and I could tell he was getting bored. He never had much fun with me because he said I was too little to do anything exciting._

_Our dad wasn't watching us a lot, probably thinking we wouldn't be doing anything too crazy._

_He was slightly wrong, though._

_Being seven, Two-bit wasn't easily amused, specifically when he was being forced to play with me, his little sister, instead of his friends._

_He loved me and all, but little boys don't exactly enjoy hanging out with their baby sister._

_Two-bit snickered a little to himself then kicked the ball as hard as he could. I watched as it flew by me and over into the road._

"_Hey!" I yelled, putting my hands on my hips, "Why'd you do that?" _

_Two-bit laughed and shook his head, "Go get it kid or else we might not get it back!"_

_I huffed, but followed Two-bit's order. I skipped over towards the road. It didn't look like any cars were coming or going so I ran to the other side where the ball was slowly rolling_

_I picked it up then turned back around. I looked back over to my house where I saw my dad with a panicked look on his face. He had a hold of Two-bit's arm and I scrunched my nose._

"_Daddy?" I said, as I started to take my first step. I stopped abruptly as a car zoomed right in front of me. I fell back and the ball fell out of my hands._

_I felt tears coming to my little eyes. I sniffled and let out a small cry._

_I suddenly felt a strong pair of arms wrap around my small body and lift me up. They smoothed my hair down in the back and rubbed small circles on my back. _

_I coughed a little into their shoulder and they pulled me away. I looked into the eyes of my dad through my tears. I saw the look in his eyes, showing me he cared._

"_Don't you ever do that again?" he pulled me back to him as I let out another sob, "You got that?"_

_I nodded my head into his shoulder and forced out a 'yes'. We were off the road by then, but still across the street from our house. I looked down and saw Two-bit looking up sheepishly._

"_W-what about you're b-ball?" I sobbed out to him. Two-bit waved his hand at me, letting me know to let it go._

"_It don't matter. I can get another one."_

XXX

I knew that look that Jack held in his eyes. He cared.

The look left his eyes as soon as it had come, though, and it was replaced with anger.

Me and my big mouth were going to get me nowhere in life.

I watched as his hands went back and came foreword, pushing me against the wall. It knocked the wind out of me and I gasped for air as I hit the ground. I started coughing and I held onto my stomach because it was starting to ache.

Jack laughed, "This is classic," he stated, "You thought I'd care," he laughed evilly. I stood up slowly and balanced myself carefully on the wall, coughing a little more. I shook my head as tears swam.

"You do!" I tried to yell, but finding it difficult with my lack of air, "I saw it! You do care!"

He laughed and kicked my knee, knocking me on the ground. I let out a cry while he pretended to wipe away a fake tear.

"You wish I cared little girl!" He kicked my side and I grinded my teeth together as the pain hit my recently healed rib, "Ever since that daddy of yours died all you have searched for was someone who cared!"

Jack growled under his breath and brought his fist back. I guarded my face, even though it didn't make much sense how his fist would get down there. He threw his fist foreword and it punched the wall, leaving a tiny dent.

He let out a small chuckle and shook his head, "But guess what?" he kicked me one last time, my guess was just for the fun of it, "Nobody cares."

He walked away and I lay on the floor as tears burned the rims of my eyes and fell willingly. I let out a sob as Jack's words made a mark on my brain.

Nobody cared.

It was true. People used to care. Almost everyone used to care, but Two-bit now hated me and Soda probably did too. My mom stopped caring a long time ago and when the hell did Jack even consider giving a shit? I had no one and really no one had me.

It hurt and I couldn't handle it.

I was done. Finished.

I was tired and I wanted it all to go away.

I was done and no one was going to stop me from finishing it all.

**Review~**


	14. I Wanna Be Like You

**Wth: Sorry about that. I'd been told earlier in this story that the b was to be lower case, so believe me, it wasn't out of laziness. Thanks, though, for letting me know this.**

**A/N Once again this story will be ending soon. Only a few more chapters.**

**Thanks for all the amazing reviews! Please keep them coming!**

I think after all my thoughts running in and out of my mind I was kind of done thinking things over.

None of this was fair, not at all. I didn't deserve half the shit that life decided to throw my way.

I was tired of it.

I slowly stood, the pain in my newly bruised ribs increasing. My body was shaking and I was crying. I was a complete mess and my mind was scrambled. I don't think I realized anything.

I was completely out of it and I had no way back in.

I looked around even though my head was already spinning. The ache in my head was insane and I just wanted to deck some one.

What right did Jack have? What right did _anyone _have? To treat me that way? To talk to me that way? To _judge _me that way.

They didn't. No one gave them permission. It was _my _life. Why should their opinions have mattered? I wasn't quite sure, but for some reason they did. They shouldn't have, though, because I didn't deserve that.

Why couldn't this have happened to anyone else? To someone other than me?

I looked up as Jack's truck revved and swerved out of the driveway. He was going fast, really fast.

Everything was so fast, so fast that you could never fix the problem at hand. You could never slow down and explain. Everything had to go at extreme speeds where you couldn't stop the wrong person to help them understand.

Thinking back, you always wish you would've tried to slow things down. It's hard to understand that you just couldn't.

It was so gloomy outside. Funny how the weather can seem to correspond with your emotions. Personally, I hated that effect.

I looked back down, realizing my hands were shaking and I didn't know what I was thinking anymore. I had an idea of what I was doing when my legs started moving on their own. I had to limp from the earlier blow to my knee.

The air in the room felt strange. It was like that feeling I got that night when Jack raped me. I had that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn't mind it as much this time, though. I let it go and kept walking ahead, feeling along the banister as I reached the steps.

So this is what giving up felt like. It wasn't a great feeling, but it wasn't as bad as what I normally felt.

Each step hit my body a little harder with emptiness. I wasn't sure if I liked it, but I guess feeling nothing for once was kind of nice. I felt numb.

Step one. That thought in the back of my head, the one where I knew I wasn't and pretty and no one liked me. It was gone, whisked away with the numbness. I didn't know or care about what I looked like.

It was over, what was the difference?

Step two. My mother being a drunk was no longer bothering me. I felt the pain from the fact wash away. It was the feeling you get when it's so cold outside that you can't even feel movement.

I didn't care. I was done. I was finished with everything.

Step three. Jack beating me was disappearing with the rest of the things I no longer cared about. The thought almost made my heart pump of my chest, but I calmed down as I let it go.

It was over and I was tired. I was dizzy and disoriented.

Step four. My dad passing was running circles around me, but I pushed it away.

I couldn't have these thoughts on my mind. I was tired of them. I wanted them to disappear into oblivion. So that's where I sent them.

Step five. Two-Bit yelling at me over things he didn't even know was flushed away. I sent it along with the rest of my tortures. I was hiding it away, making sure it wouldn't be able to come out.

This was over. I was making sure.

Step six. Lying about my life for money was thrown farther away then most of my problems. I sent it spiraling. It should've never been there in the first place and I accepted that it was my fault. All of that was my fault and I needed it gone.

Step seven. Jack raping me made my blood turn cold, but I shoved it far away. It couldn't bother me. It just couldn't.

With each of the rest of the steps I felt the emptiness inside me increase. I started to almost get an idea of what I was doing. I knew I couldn't have these as my last thoughts. That was one thing I didn't want.

The following steps gave me the coldest, but most unfeeling ache inside me. I didn't mind it at all, though. It was never ending, bottomless. There was nothing there and, for the moment, I found that okay.

I reached the top of the steps and wanted to let my knees give out then and there, but instead my legs had developed a mind of their own.

They led me slowly down the hallway,

I ignored a tiny voice in my head, actually, it was the only voice left in my head. It was the only thing I hadn't discarded of when walking up the steps.

"Shut up," I muttered to the voice as I held myself close.

The tears rolling down my face were barely noticed as my legs led me to the destination my mind wanted to take me.

"It's over," I mumbled quietly, as I started shaking, "It's all done."

I sucked in a deep breath of air and moved my hair out from in front of my face.

"You don't have to go through it anymore," I whispered quietly, "Never again."

I scratched my arm uncomfortably and muttered a curse as I stubbed my toe on a floor board that wasn't nailed down correctly.

I didn't stop, though. I felt like a vegetable, muttering incoherent things to myself. I was staring straight ahead and moving like a snail, but eventually I knew I'd get to my destination. Everyone always does.

"I hate him," I wasn't sure who I was talking about. My dad for dying? My brother for yelling? My step dad for hurting me? I didn't have one clue.

"This will all be over soon," I growled angrily, feeling a slight bit of rage appear in the emptiness.

I shuffled along, my left hand sliding softly across the wall.

"No more pain," I mumbled, looking down, "Or hurt."

I finally started feeling the tears and my cheeks felt drenched and my eyes ached. I knew they were probably a stubborn red. I couldn't stand when your eyes turned red while crying. I wasn't sure why, I just hated it.

"They can't touch you anymore Liz," I promised myself, "They never will again."

My cheek started to burn as I thought of the slap from Two-Bit. I hadn't even seen the bruise, but thinking about it made me want to throw up.

The ugly thoughts were starting to come back so I pushed them harder this time. I didn't need to be thinking about that in the end.

I didn't want to and I wasn't going to.

Emptiness was a dark and deceiving feeling, though. It made you think you weren't always there, but you knew you were.

This was probably how crazy people felt. They knew they were there in the flesh, but their mind made them think they were somewhere else.

I was nowhere. It was peaceful.

Still, deceiving all the same.

I yearned for something greater, though. Even though the nothingness was settled inside me, there was something more I wanted. Yet, I wasn't sure what.

I reached a door. As I reached the door, though, my mind was drawn a blank. I couldn't remember who the door belonged to, or where it led. I could tell that my body wanted it's presence inside that room, though. It didn't only want to be there, but it also wanted something in the room.

I needed that something.

My good hand was numb, but I carefully wrapped it around the door knob. The coolness surfaced my skin and vanished just as fast as the numbness settled back in. I twisted the knob slowly, my breath being held in my throat.

"You're going to do this," it was like giving myself a pep talk, "You will."

I gave the door a small push and it loudly creaked open.

All I did for a moment was stand there, looking inside the room.

It must've been a storage room or something. My mind still wasn't comprehending, but it did know where the object it wanted was.

My eyes scanned the area, looking for a certain box.

The space was tight and small, but it held enough items to take care of an army.

Small boxes of jewelry were stacked neatly upon one another. I was pretty sure they were real and wondered why we hadn't sold them.

Then, I saw the cobwebs scattered about and realized that no one looked in the closet enough to realize they were in there.

Old clothes were thrown around in random boxes and on the floor. I saw my old princess costume from when I was five and my dad had taken me trick or treating. It was the first year Two-Bit and his friends were allowed to go by themselves. That was the same year I'd gotten my obsession with princesses.

My mind cheered me on as I pushed away my horrible thoughts and brought my gleeful memories to fill in the emptiness.

The numbness throughout my body covered over the good thoughts, trying to keep them there for later.

I still wasn't myself. I was sure it didn't matter how many wonderful memories I had at the time. I still wanted it all to be over.

If I didn't end it I'd have to come back. Come back to Jack beating me, Two-Bit hating me, and having to deal with the loss of my closest family member.

I'd have to come back to no more money, to the ongoing pain inside me.

I'd have to come back to everything always turning out wrong and never working out the way I planned.

And I wasn't about to come back to that.

As the hot tears rushed down my face and the sweat on my forehead decided to increase I looked onto the right shelf in the tiny room.

There sat the box that would help me, everything would be fixed with the object inside. I could barely remember how I knew it was there.

The memory hit me like a freight train.

XXX

_I was walking around the house._

_Things had been different lately. Dad had lost his job and Two-bit had been caught lifting something from a store recently. _

_Apparently Mom had been staying at another guys house for a few nights and that made Dad mad. He seemed really upset lately. When I'd asked him what was wrong he said nothing and promised me everything was fine._

_He lied._

_Then his brother died._

_I'd always liked Uncle Cecil. He was real nice and brought us gifts anytime he visited._

_Him and dad had been real close, more close then most brothers end up being. They were more like best friends. _

_I remembered waking up late one night, seeing my dad in his room. His eyes were bloodshot and I saw a beer next to his bed._

_I remember thinking about how things were changing. Dad and Mom weren't happy around each other, Two-Bit was getting into trouble and there I was having to watch all of it._

_There was one night in particular around that time that I remembered the most._

_Mom and Dad had been having a bigger fight then normal and I was in my room, holding onto an old stuffed bear._

_I wasn't quite sure where Two-bit was, I just hoped he was okay._

_Tears hadn't come to my eyes until I heard crashing downstairs. There was a lot of it and it was loud. I felt the rims of my eyes burn as I cried for all of it to stop. _

_There was cursing and screaming. I felt as though there was an all out war going on in the lower level of my house._

_Every now and then something glass would shatter and I'd let out a louder cry. I knew I wouldn't be heard, though, because sadly they didn't listen when they fought. _

_It took a long time, but everything suddenly got quiet. I heard someone stomp up the stairs and I quickly and carefully hopped off my bed. I cracked my door open a little as I saw my dad open a door in the hall._

_He pulled a box out of it and I opened my door some more, stepping out. When I saw his face he looked tired and devastated. He looked a lot older than his true age and I saw the red rims of his eyes._

"_Daddy," my small voice choked a little, "A-are you ok?" _

_He nodded._

"_Yes baby, Daddy's fine," he walked over to me and squeezed me tightly. I wondered why he was giving me a hug, but I accepted it gratefully._

"_I love you sweetheart," he told me gently, pulling away. I looked up to him and nodded my head, a little confused._

"_I love you too Daddy."_

_I watched as he walked down the hall and into a different room. I stayed where I was. I wasn't sure why, but a bad feeling settled in the pit of my stomach._

_A few minutes later it seemed like everything had gone silent. It was an eerie silence, but something sure as hell ended it._

_The loudest bang I'd ever heard rang from down the hall. I gasped and ran as fast as I could. I opened the door to the room my dad went in._

_I couldn't breathe when I saw him. _

_There on the floor was my dad, a hole through his head and a gun on in his side. The opened box where it must've been kept was sitting on a table. _

"_Daddy!" I cried, running for him, but I already knew it was too late._

XXX

Now I held the same box that held the gun that had killed my father. Why we'd even kept it I'd never know. The only thing I did know, though, was obvious in my mind.

My father had taken his own life.

I was about to end mine the same way.

**Thanks for reading. Reviews will be gratefully appreciated. I might be able to post the next chapter this week, but if I don't just know it's because I'll be on Vaycayy in Pennsylvania for the weekend**


	15. In The End

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! School starts tomorrow for me…~Sad Face~, but I will try to update as much as possible.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders or the song 'In The End' by Linkin Park.**

**XXX**

**One thing I don't know whyIt doesn't even matter how hard you tryKeep that in mind, I designed this rhymeTo explain in due timeAll I knowtime is a valuable thingWatch it fly by as the pendulum swingsWatch it count down to the end of the dayThe clock ticks life away**

**XXX**

I slowly lifted the gun in the box and just twirled it in my free hand. I was being gentle, very gentle. I dropped the box on the ground as I seemed to get lost in the gun.

Everything that had happened to me could wash away with one shot from that gun.

And that was all I wanted.

It was a simple hand gun, nothing immensely special. Except, for the fact that it would determine my future. I could easily hold the thing to my head and pull the trigger back.

I wouldn't have to worry anymore or cry. I wouldn't be scared or ashamed. I wouldn't have to care if the bills were getting paid. I wouldn't need to deal with Jack and his horrible ways. I wouldn't have to lie about everything.

I wouldn't have to do or feel anything I didn't want to.

I'd be free.

My breathing was shaky and came in short spurts. I felt my palm start to sweat and I was really starting to wish I had both hands to work with.

What if the gun slipped? What would I do then? I hadn't cocked it yet, but by the time it was set in place by my head it would be. What if it hit the ground and went off?

I felt myself start to shake and it worried me. So many things could go wrong. Everything could go wrong.

"Calm down Liz," I muttered to myself, "Just stay calm."

I became less tense and my breath calmed down, but only a little.

There was anger forcing itself inside me. None of this was my fault. Killing myself wasn't something I'd always planned on doing, but now I felt as if I had no other choice.

All the people who'd ever lessened my confidence were at fault. All those people who hurt me, made me feel like nothing. Those people who caused me to break a little more until I wouldn't be able to put myself back together.

Well guess what? I broke.

I felt the warm tears as they traveled down my cheeks, their salty smell reaching my nose. I took a quivering breath as I started to lift the gun.

This was it. Everything could end, be done. I would no longer have to worry about all the pain and suffering in my life.

I could leave all that behind for the worthless bastards who forced me to this point.

"Everything will be okay," I said as the voice in my mind said the same thing, "Everything will be just fine."

I was ready to go. I was tired of living the life I was.

I wanted to be with my dad. Nobody on earth gave a shit about me. My dad would, though. So if I wanted to be with him then, hell, I was gonna get what I wanted.

**XXX**

**It's so unrealDidn't look out belowWatch the time go right out the windowTrying to hold on but didn't even knowWasted it all just toWatch you go**

**XXX**

I wanted to die, but at the same time I wanted to live. I hadn't lived long enough. I'd be sixteen in about a week.

I was done, though. I was finished. I couldn't deal with the pain anymore and if that meant spending my sixteenth birthday in Heaven, than so be it.

I felt myself hesitate, but only for a moment.

It was almost as if time was moving slowly. It seemed like it was taking an eternity to get the gun up to my head.

I was shaking too, which made me feel even worse.

I felt sick to my stomach and my head ached something awful. I wanted all this to go away. I shouldn't have had to deal with it all.

I was unluckily born into this life and I would gratefully be leaving it.

I wanted to grin at the way I had put that sentence because, in my mind, I'd thought it out really well. Sadly, though, I couldn't even think about smiling.

It wasn't fair. My life shouldn't have been like that, but it was.

I looked at the gun out of the corner of my eye as I lifted it. This would be easy. It would all be so easy just to get it over with. One little click and I wouldn't have to worry anymore.

I took a breath as I lined the gun up with my temple. I knew I would need to calm down or else my shaking might cause me to miss.

I tried to take deep breaths, but I was getting no where. Just one more way life was deciding to hold me down.

**XXX**

**I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apartWhat it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hardAnd got so farBut in the endIt doesn't even matterI had to fallTo lose it allBut in the endIt doesn't even matter**

**XXX**

Maybe I wouldn't have been where I was at the moment if I would've told someone sooner. I should've just told Two-Bit about Jack raping me and beating me senseless.

Maybe if I'd done a different job. I could've maybe found something else, but work for a young woman was hard to find. I found pleasure in what I did anyways.

I was dying inside, though, and soon I'd be dead altogether. So, maybe I could've done something to prevent this, but it all still wasn't my fault.

I moved my index finger over the gun, getting ready to cock it.

Life could be horrible or I could just shoot myself and let it all end.

I was ready for it all to be over.

**XXX**

**In spite of the way you were mocking meActing like I was part of your propertyRemembering all the times you fought with meI'm surprised it got so (far)Things aren't the way they were beforeYou wouldn't even recognize me anymoreNot that you knew me back thenBut it all comes back to meIn the end**

**XXX**

"Jack!" I heard someone call from down the hall and I felt everything freeze, "Jack are you still home?"

I knew exactly who the voice belonged to and I prayed they would just stay put.

They didn't.

I watched as my mom walked out into the hall and stopped abruptly as she spotted me. Her eyes widened and she brought her hand to her mouth as she gasped.

She stepped foreword, holding her other hand out toward me. She was at the end of the hall while I was in the middle. We were a good ten feet apart.

I saw her choke slightly before speaking.

"W-what the hell are you doing?" She whispered, but the house was eerily silent so I could hear her perfectly clear.

I felt myself start to shake a little harder and I shook my head a tiny bit, feeling the tip of the gun.

"Elizabeth?" she asked and I quickly cocked the gun, while glaring towards her. Her gasp filled the silence of the entire house, "Don't."

She looked terrified and worried, but that would be a first in a long time. If it took me killing myself for her to actually care then she didn't deserve a daughter.

"Why not, huh?" I questioned, feeling the anger boiling inside of me, "Are you worried you'll be so upset you'll finish of the rest of your poison?" I hissed as I reached my finger for the trigger.

She looked a little shocked, but she deserved the words I was lashing out at her.

"Ya' know, you didn't get fired because you're old?" I let out a fake harsh laugh and glared again, "It's because you don't get your drunk ass out of bed half the time!"

I couldn't even believe the words coming out of my mouth. My life had changed so much in one week.

I was lashing out at everyone. Normally I'd just duck and run, but I was changing and becoming a different person. Now I wasn't afraid of what others thought about what I told them.

They wouldn't have to worry about what I said any longer anyways.

**XXX**

**You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apartWhat it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hardAnd got so farBut in the endIt doesn't even matter**

**XXX**

"What are you talking about?" she asked me angrily and somehow I knew that if I was right in front of her that I'd smell the whiskey on her breath. I scowled and rubbed my finger over the trigger.

One simple click….

I felt my finger grip the trigger lightly, ready to pull at any moment.

"I'm talking about you being a fuckin' drunk ever since Dad died!" I yelled through my clenched teeth. She looked like she couldn't believe I'd even sad that and it caused me to scowl.

She pointed her finger at me, "Don't you dare talk to me like that little girl!" she yelled and I just wanted to punch her, but my hand was being used for more important things.

I rolled my eyes and decided that if I was going to die I could let my mother hear it all. She deserved it in the end.

"You're a fucking bitch!" I wiped my eyes with my free hand and sniffled, "You think just because Dad died that you can ignore and go numb! You think you can fucking drink your problems away!" for a moment I thought about pointing the gun towards her, but I quickly pushed that idea out of mind, "I don't care if you're my mom! You don't act like you are!"

Complete silence filled the room once again, but only for a moment.

"What's going on?"

Once again I immediately froze, with the exception of my falling tears. I looked out of the corner of my eyes and saw him.

"Liz?" Two-Bit yelled as he ran over towards me. I turned fast so he could see the gun to my head, warning him not to get closer. He stopped and stared at me.

I started to hyperventilate and shake even harder. The anger I held for the things he'd said was resurfacing and caused my blood to boil.

"Get away," I snapped at him. He took a step closer, trying to grab me. I stepped back slightly.

"Liz wha-"

"I said get the fuck away!" I yelled, breathing hard, "I'm about to make things better for everyone!"

Two-bit looked confused, "How Liz?" he asked me calmly. I didn't understand how he kept his cool, but somehow he did.

I straightened myself up slightly and choked out my words, "I'm gonna take one less _whore _off the earth."

Two-bit looked hurt when I said that, but I knew he deserved it. Everyone did. It was their fault.

"Liz, I didn-"

"Save it!" I cried, and I saw the worry that filled his eyes, "You meant it! You wouldn't have said it if you didn't."

Two-bit shook his head, "I was confused Lizzy," he said slowly, "When Dally said that I-"

"Immediately believed him instead of your own sister? Yeah sounds about right," I snapped at him, my voice cracking through the entire sentence.

I knew I was a mess and probably looked like one too.

Two-Bit tried to talk, but I interrupted him before he could say anything.

"I'm done Two-Bit," I yelled, getting ready to pull the trigger, "I'm done."

I pulled back the trigger, closing my eyes. I would have to get over the fact that I was shaking and in hysterics. I was finished.

_Click._

**XXX**

**I had to fallTo lose it allBut in the endIt doesn't even matter**

**XXX**

Everything was dark and for a moment I wondered if this was what being dead would always feel like. I found the need to open my eyes and I blinked quickly at the sight in front of me.

There was Two-Bit, right where he had been a second before. I blinked a few times then saw my mom standing where she had been, her mouth wide.

Did being dead mean everything was exactly the same in an alternate universe?

Then I realized that wasn't it.

The gun was still in my hands, but I realized my mistake.

I didn't fucking load the thing.

No, no, no, no, no! This wasn't fair!

Everything was supposed to be over! I wouldn't have to worry anymore.

I fell onto my knees as everything escaped my body. The horrible feelings resurfaced from where I had hidden them underneath and before I even had a chance to look for something to load the gun with someone was on the ground beside me.

They ripped the gun out of my hands and wrapped me in their arms. I felt the giant sobs rack my body as I knew it was over. It was too late.

"I'm not a whore," I cried into the persons shirt, "I'm not like that."

I sobbed and felt them smooth my hair out.

"Shh. I believe you Liz," and I knew it was Two-Bit holding me, " I always did."

I sobbed into his chest as I mumbled different things. Two-bit just held me, trying to calm me down.

"He hit me!" I sobbed out, "Why didn't anyone tell him to stop?"

Two-Bit rubbed my back in slow circles, "I dunno Lizzy. I don't know."

I knew if one of Two-Bit's friends happened to catch him that it would ruin his rep, but he knew no one would catch him. And I knew he cared too much about me at the moment.

I understood at that moment he had just been confused when Dally had talked to him.

That didn't mean he had the right to say what he had to me.

I still wished that the gun had been loaded and that everything would've ended.

Even though I had Two-Bit holding me now, I knew that in a few hours Jack would be home and he'd deal with me. I knew my mom would be drunk and Two-Bit would be with his friends.

And I'd still be Elizabeth Mathews, living and breathing.

Sadly, I didn't want that.

**XXX**

**There's only one thing you should knowI've put my trust in youPushed as far as I can goFor all thisThere's only one thing you should knowI tried so hardAnd got so farBut in the endIt doesn't even matterI had to fallTo lose it allBut in the endIt doesn't even matter**

**XXX**

**Review~**


	16. Waiting For The End

**A/N: Thanks so much for reviews. Last chapter was probably about the most I've ever gotten for one chapter! Keep it up!**

Depression is a deadly thing, let me tell you.

All I wanted to do was sit in my room and stare at the wall. I felt like a vegetable. No matter what happened I didn't try and move, didn't try to think.

Being in my room made me feel safe.

Jack was too lazy to bother me there. I wouldn't get in my mom's way there. And Two-bit couldn't get in because most of the time I left the door locked.

If someone tried to talk to me all I could do was mumble lame excuses. I had no energy anymore.

The only thing uplifting in my life was the fact that Two-Bit knew I wasn't a slut.

Why would that matter, though? He still looked pissed when I told him the truth about the dancing and make-out sessions. He hadn't made his anger clear, but it was easily read across his face.

I'd heard one of Two-Bit's friends over at our house a few days ago and Two-Bit was talking about how he was gonna make sure Dally got his just desserts. That almost made me smile, almost.

He fucking deserved to get decked.

I knew Two-Bit was monitoring me like crazy. I knew he wasn't leaving the house and had his friends come over to hang with him when no one could be disrupted.

He thought I'd pull something again.

And hell yeah, I would.

But, Two-Bit's a helluva lot smarter than he looks. There was no way I could hurt myself in my room after Two-Bit looked over it.

I didn't normally keep anything sharp in my room, so that was easily taken care of.

I had a blade at one point, though I'm not sure why, and it had gotten lost long ago in the rubble of our house.

Anything I could've hit myself with where it could possibly leave a bruise, Two-Bit made sure it was gone.

He'd even gone as far as boarding up my window. Honestly, if I had the chance, I would jump.

Two-Bit had been quiet through the entire thing and I just stood there, sobbing. He'd had the same look on his face and I couldn't help but look ashamed. He'd just caught me trying to kill myself and he looked torn.

I'd been stupid. I could've at least loaded the damn thing.

Anyways, I was being monitored like a little kid at the store.

If I ever left my room, which would only be for a few minutes to use the bathroom or something, Two-Bit was right there by my side, or trying to casually follow me. It was irritating, but in my state I decided to say nothing. I didn't have the energy to piss someone off and fight. It just wasn't in me.

In my room nothing happened, but that meant nothing could screw up. The only thing that changed was the little spider who sometimes changed places on his little web in the corner.

Simple life of a spider. The lucky bastard.

I was leaning against my old headboard, as I stared at nothing.

My knees were tucked up to my chest and I knew without even looking that I had dark circles under my eyes.

I couldn't sleep. Every time I tried I'd see everything that hurt me. Everything I'd tried to escape from, but failed to do.

I wished that I could go back in time to the night my dad killed himself.

If I could just stop him, tell him how much I love him. If I could've made him listen and understand maybe my life would be just fine. Maybe I'd have a few more friends, not feel desperate for acceptance.

Maybe I wouldn't care about what everyone else thought and maybe I wouldn't let things effect me like they did.

Everything happens for a reason? Bull shit.

None of this happened to me for a reason. What would be the purpose in the first place? Maybe I wasn't meant for earth. Maybe, just maybe, I was meant to be dead, or just not alive.

Maybe there was a mix up in God's plans and I'd accidentally been sent to earth when I was really just supposed to be nothing.

Maybe if someone else had been born instead of me, they would've been able to change the outcome of all the shit they had to deal with.

I pushed some of my hair out of my face and as I did, I realized how greasy it was. I hadn't bathed in days and I was starting to smell. It was disgusting, but I couldn't get myself to move.

My legs felt numb, my heart sunken.

Did everything have to be so difficult? Was it really necessary?

I felt a small tear escape.

Yeah, it was.

My wrist was finally healed after isolating myself for the past week. I dug my palms over my eyes as I wondered what time it was.

Two-Bit had boarded my windows up pretty good and light barely came in. I didn't have a clock in my room and there was no other way to tell time unless I went downstairs.

Downstairs was the place I tried to avoid unless completely necessary. And so far it was not a necessity.

I didn't like being alive anymore. I just wanted to totally escape the face of the earth. It was no place for someone as vulnerable as me. I just didn't want to be there.

I felt the shaky breaths escape my lips as I willed myself to calm down.

I was tired of being the one to bare the burden and have to live with the guilt as if everything was my fault.

It wasn't, but it sure as hell felt that way.

I reached slowly toward my nightstand and grabbed the glass of water that Two-Bit had sat there earlier that morning. I lifted it to my lips, my hand shaky.

I was thankful the glass was half empty, or else it probably would've spilled out. I took small sips and set it back down.

My throat was horribly dry, but I wasn't sure if anyone would remember to bring me anything else to drink. So, I tried to save as much of my glass as I could.

I was incredibly tired, just wanting to sleep. I just wanted everything to be okay. When had anything _ever _been okay, though?

My thoughts drifted as I heard sirens outside. That was the fifteenth time that day. I had nothing else better to do, so I counted the amount of times I heard a police car go by outside.

Needless to say, there was a shit load of crime in my area.

I felt my eyes droop heavily. I was so damn tired, but I couldn't sleep. If I did my mind would trick me. It would hurt me and make me think of everything that ruined me.

I let out a slow yawn and cursed myself. I forced my eyes to open widely, but it didn't lessen my tiredness.

I kept telling myself I needed to stay awake and each time I yawned anyways. I pinched myself, but I couldn't even remember the feeling because I slowly drifted off into an unhealthy sleep.

XXX

"_Just do it," the voice hissed into my ear, sending a chill up my spine. I shivered as my breathing came in short spurts._

_I felt the cool metal in my hand once again as the tears rolled. There was an unreasonable amount of them flowing and the room was starting to flood. It was already at my shins as the voice spoke again._

"_Pull the trigger," it's voice was cold and harsh. It scared me. I didn't like it._

"_Who are you?" I asked quietly. Silence filled the area. The only thing you could hear were my sobs. The tears had reached my thighs and I started breathing heavily. Everything was closing in again._

"_Do it now," the voice's hiss got louder this time as I felt an unnatural chill fall over me. I started to grind my teeth. It was almost as if someone was right beside me._

"_What are you waiting for?" it sounded like the voice turned into a mix of a hiss and a screech. I cringed and shook my head slowly._

"_Who are you?" I said a little louder, but still got no response. I felt like someone was standing there, just watching me. I wanted to rub my arm uncomfortably, but I couldn't move. It was like I was frozen in place._

_I felt something crawl across my back and I tried to scream, but nothing came out. Something was trying to get me._

"_Pull the trigger!" this time it was a full on screech and I wanted so badly to cover my ears. The tears had reached my naval and I felt myself going into a panic attack. I tried to breathe slowly. It was hard._

"_Who are you?" I yelled this time. I couldn't help myself._

"_Just shoot!" it screeched and I winced as the tears rose, "Get it over with! Now!"_

_I shook my head._

"_No!" I screamed and tried to shrivel back, "Just stop!"_

_Silence overcame everything. I couldn't even hear my own sobs. It didn't last very long._

"_Not until you do what NEEDS TO BE DONE!" the screech had gotten louder as the sentence had carried on._

_I felt the tears start to reach my chin and I tried to stop crying, but I just couldn't. I started screaming instead as the voice kept screeching, telling me to pull the trigger and shoot._

"_Help!" I screamed, feeling the water reach my mouth. _

_I felt the tears increase as it started to fill in my lungs._

"_Help!" I gargled. It was too late, though._

_I went under and it seemed like there was no longer a floor. The tears went on for miles and my screams came out muffled under the water. I was suffocating, but I wouldn't die. I just felt the same horrible feeling of the tears flooding my lungs. It hurt so badly, but it wouldn't fill my body enough to cause my lungs to stop working. My throat burned. I let out a blood curdling scream and even with the water you could hear it perfectly fine._

_I felt the tears leave as I lay on the cold, wet cement. I coughed and sat up slowly, feeling myself crying at a more normal pace. I looked around and the realization of where I was hit me like a freight train._

"_No," I muttered to myself, "Please no." _

_I heard an all too familiar laugh form from behind me and I quickly turned around, staring at Jack. He smirked and reached down towards me. _

_I shriveled back, but I hit the wall of the alley. Jack's smirk hardened as he leaned on top of me. I cursed to myself as everything he'd done flooded my memory._

"_You're a beautiful little girl Elizabeth," he whispered in my ear and I tried to force him off of me as the tears blurred my vision._

"_Get off me," I cried, but he just laughed, "Get off."_

_I hated the dirty feeling that I felt. It hurt and it mad me feel wrong._

_Jack rolled off of me and I tumbled forward. _

_When I looked around again I saw people dancing everywhere and making out. I realized I was at buck's and I was dancing on the pole. I didn't want to be, but I was. I couldn't stop and people were cheering me on. _

_I looked around as I kept dancing and saw Dally, smirking at me. I tried to scowl, but it was almost like I was in one of my acts. I couldn't do anything, but dance around the pole. I didn't like where anything was going, though._

_I wasn't crying, I could even feel the sparkle in my eyes and other than Dally I felt like things might start to be brightening. _

_I let myself dance around the pole and let people whistle. I even smirked a few times, one of the few things my body was letting me control._

_Suddenly, everyone stopped dancing. I stopped too, but I stood forward, watching the crowd. _

_They all started to move to the sides, creating a walk way for someone. At first the person only looked like a shadow, but then they got close enough and I saw their face._

_I gasped and the air in the room suddenly changed. Everyone was staring at me and the person in front of me glared._

"_T-Two-Bit?" I asked unsurely. Two-Bit scowled and looked me up and down. _

"_Good to know the little sister I've known and loved is a little slut," he growled and I felt the damn tears coming again. I shook my head._

"_Two-Bit don't listen to their lies," I cried, he growled and lowered his voice. His glare made me feel like a knife was being stabbed through my wind pipe._

"_You should be ashamed," he snapped and my eyes widened. I didn't want to hear it, any of it. It hurt and made my heart shrivel up a little more each time. _

_I shook my head and it caused millions of scenes to run across in front of me. Some of them had Jack, some Two-Bit. Some had me crying, some had others crying because of me. I saw me being tortured and the pain it caused others._

_It hurt so bad to watch. I tried to close my eyes, but it was like they were forced open. _

_I screamed and shivered as a painful chill whipped a my skin. It felt like icicles being thrown at my skin. I was being held down. I was confused and dazed as more and more images ran. _

_Some weren't even of me._

_Some were of war and death._

_Some showed children suffering, starving._

_Some showed adults fighting, pushing and yelling._

_Some showed gangs jumping some innocent kid._

_Some showed a guy forcing his girlfriend into a bedroom as she tried to pull away. I shivered watching that one._

_Some showed parents beating their kids senseless._

_Some showed people getting high off acid. They were going crazy, their minds unable to think straight._

_Kind of like mine._

_I couldn't watch it anymore. Why did things have to be like that? Why couldn't we all be happy? It wasn't fair._

_The images came closer to me and they got louder. I couldn't move, being forced to watch them. I started screaming again. _

_It hurt. Everything hurt. Physically and emotionally. _

_I tried to ignore the images as they got closer, but it was difficult._

_Just so difficult._

XXX

I shot up off my bed. I was sweating and my covers were spread out everywhere.

I gasped for air, slowly catching my breath. I looked around my room and not even a little light shown.

I held my head in my hands as I let out a sob.

I needed to get out. I needed to get away. Staying in Tulsa was going to kill me, unless I did it first.

If I was gone, maybe I'd be happier. Maybe, I wouldn't want to be dead.

I was so tired of my life. I needed to get away.

Far away.

**Reviews make my day.**


	17. Without You

I looked at all the things I had packed. Altogether you could probably round it down to nothing. I had a small satchel and that was it. It held the amount of money I'd kept for myself over the years and a few clothing articles. There was also a small picture of my dad and I.

There wasn't really anything else I wanted.

All I truly wanted was to get the hell out. I was tired of being nothing.

I hated it.

I'd at least had the courtesy to write a note to Two-Bit. Of course I felt bad, but what else could I do.

I couldn't stay. I just _couldn't_.

I knew I'd go crazy if I did. I'd eventually end up hurting everyone else around me and not just myself. I had no clue what I'd do if I hurt someone I loved. I didn't even _want _to think about it.

I felt horrible still. How could I leave everyone behind? How could I just walk out?

I was a coward. I knew I was. There was no way around it. I just couldn't stay, though. I'd rather be chicken then crazy any day.

I had peeked in on Two-Bit before I left. This had been one of those rare nights he hadn't gone out to hunt some action. He'd simply gone to bed after coming home around ten.

I'd been up, in my room, making sure to steer clear of any unwelcome guests. Two-Bit had looked in my door, told me he was going to bed and left.

He seemed tired, as if the day had just pushed everything out of him.

I hated seeing him like that.

Looking at him while he slept caused me to hurt even more inside. What would he do when I left? I didn't want to drag him down by staying, but what if leaving hurt him more? I wasn't sure.

Two-Bit was snoring, but it didn't cause him to look any less peaceful. He deserved a little peace and I was anything, but that.

I twirled the note I'd written in my hands, trying to imagine his reaction when he saw it. I was scared. For myself, for Two-Bit, for everyone.

And it wasn't because I was leaving, more of the fact that I wouldn't be able to know what would happen after I was gone.

If I left Tulsa I would have no clue what happened back here. It wasn't like the rest of the world really cared what happened here. We were just another mark on the map. Just like how most other cities felt towards us. We didn't care about them. We just knew they were there.

I bit my lip as I felt myself about to cry. Leaving meant never knowing. I would never know if things finally turned out okay around here for anyone. I would never know if others chose the easy way out. I would never know if anyone got farther then Tulsa.

I just wouldn't know.

I slowly walked towards the side of Two-Bit's bed. My hand holding the note shook with nervousness. I tried to shake away the fear as it crowded around me. I could clearly feel my heartbeat as it rapidly thumped inside my chest.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

As I reached his nightstand I carefully studied my surroundings.

Two beer cans lay on their sides on the nightstand, a slight bit of their contents spilled over. Dirty clothes lay all over the floor, covering almost the entire surface. I felt my face scrunch up slightly. Two-Bit's sheets were thrown all over the place, but he still didn't seem uncomfortable. A few _Playboy _magazines stuck out from under the bed and I rolled my eyes despite myself.

I ran my thumb over the note and carefully set it down. I prayed to God that Two-Bit would just understand. It was all I wanted from Two-Bit. He just needed to understand.

As I stared at the note I felt a slight tear run down my cheek and my lip quivered. I wanted to hug Two-Bit before I left, but I couldn't risk waking him.

My heart ached for my brother. I knew I'd never get to hug him again. He'd never hold me again when I was upset. I'd never talk to him again and we'd never know where the other ended up.

If I could, I'd force him to come with me. I knew, though, that Two-Bit would never go for that. He had other people here, his friends. He loved his friends like his own brothers.

Two-Bit, though he was as lazy as they got, had a chance. He wasn't depressed or unable to hold himself together. Two-Bit was strong. Extremely obnoxious, but still strong.

He was better than me. He was smarter than me. He knew what he was doing. Yes, he could lose his temper if pushed far enough, but other than that his chances of surviving in Tulsa were far more better than mine.

I felt tears push their way towards the rims of my eyes, burning them and I held back the sob that was beginning to form.

I slowly turned as I took a long glance back at Two-Bit. This was the last time I'd ever see him. The last memory I'd ever hold of him, my brother, Two-Bit Mathews.

As soon as I'd fully turned around I walked out as quick and quietly as I could. I couldn't stand to stay in that room any longer. Nothing was going to force me to stay.

If I stayed things would get worse, much worse. I really couldn't live with it. That in itself could possibly kill me.

As I walked away and quickly walked out I felt the tears start to rush harder. I started to close the door and the lump in my throat increased.

"I'm sorry Two-Bit," I croaked out the whispered words, "I'm so sorry."

I closed the door fully and turned my face into my hands. Silent sobs escaped my body and it made me feel horrible. I was leaving everyone and everything I loved. It wasn't much, but I was still leaving it.

I hurried down the steps as quietly as I could, knowing I needed to leave before I changed my mind. I grabbed my satchel that I'd left by the door and stopped.

I felt myself hesitate as I reached for the knob. This was exactly what couldn't happen. I couldn't think twice.

I blocked out all of my negative thoughts about leaving. I had to go. I couldn't stay.

I quickly opened the door and stepped out, closing it as silently as I could. I crept quietly toward the road, turning around once reaching the end of my driveway. I stared at the beat up old house. Even though I hated it there I could still feel the tug at my heart. I was loosing small pieces of myself, of my history.

I quickly turned around and took off down the street. I was trying to stay quick on my feet, trying to get as far as I could as fast as I could.

When I passed other people all I could do was speed up. I was getting my chance, this was probably my last and if I didn't continue I knew I'd ever even reconsider this idea.

I felt so alone walking by myself in the dark, with the chilly night air nipping at my neck. I wished so much at that moment that everything was okay and that everyone was happy, but life sometimes gets in the way of wishes.

The darkness was bearable, but frightening nonetheless and as I hurried toward wherever my destination happened to be I couldn't help but allow old memories to brew in my mind. They were horrific and unbelievable and as I hurried along, I wished that life would've taken an easier toll on me.

I just needed to keep a steady pace, not make eye contact with any by passers.

I reached the bus stop and sat down on the bench. I didn't care where the next bus was going. It didn't matter. Anywhere was better than Tulsa, Oklahoma. I just couldn't stand being where I was any longer.

I felt my cheeks as tears ran down them. I kept my head up, though. If I looked down I wouldn't be able to watch out. I wouldn't be able to make sure no one was near me.

Suddenly, I heard loud yells, a child specifically, and I slowly stood. I'm not sure what got into me. Why didn't I just stay? I should've just ignored the noise, but something inside me didn't let me stay. It was almost like my brain was _forcing _me to do it. I slowly walked towards the noise and saw a dark alleyway. Flashes of Jack swept across my eyes, but I tried my hardest to avoid them. I tightened my fists as I took a small step into the darkness.

As I walked forward a small amount of light crept through and I saw a small boy and a woman holding him by the upper arm. I stepped a little closer. The boy was struggling and looked on the verge of tears. He was struggling and she was glaring at him.

"Let me go!" he screamed and I noticed by how her fingers bulged that she only tightened her grip on him, "Stop it!"

"Little boy, you're lucky I don't beat you to death!" the lady yelled at him as her hand slammed across his face. He let out a cry and I cringed.

"I'm sorry!"

The woman hit him again, "Not as sorry as you will be when I tell your dad."

I saw his eyes go wide, and I wondered what was going through his mind. He started struggling away again and I could've sworn I saw the woman smirk. The young boy whimpered as he tried to get the woman to release her grasp.

"Please, please no! D-don't tell him! I'll never run away again! I promise!" he pleaded with her and she raised her hand again. He immediately stopped his struggling as he let out a struggled sob. She lowered her hand and glared at him. She pushed him and I watched as his head hit the hard wall behind. I felt bad for him. The poor kid was so small and his mom was by no means a scrawny women. For a woman, she was ridiculously strong and the kid had nothing against her.

"You wanted to run away? Fine. You can stay out here for the night," she gave him a kick and he yelped out, "and tomorrow me and your dad are comin' out here and getting' you and by then you'll have a whole new meaning of sorry."

The kid looked away and the lady stormed off. She must not have even noticed me and I stood off to the side, completely shocked. The kid was sobbing on the ground and it reminded me so much of myself. That lady was Jack and I was that kid.

I slowly walked over to the kid and kneeled down beside him.

"Hey kid?"

He jumped and his eyes went wide. He tried to scramble back, but instead hit the wall again. His teeth were clenched as he stared at me with wild eyes.

"Hey, hey. I ain't gonna hurt ya'," I inched a little closer, "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

He was shivering in fear and I lightly touched his arm, showing I wasn't going to grab him like the lady had. He stopped jerking around and looked at me timidly.

"W-who are you?" he asked quietly.

"Elizabeth," I replied, letting out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, "How old are you kid?"

He relaxed himself a little, "Ten," he stared at me curiously for a moment then added, "I'm Ben."

I nodded, "Well hey Ben," I scooted even closer, "Are you hurt?"

He shrugged and looked down, "Nothin' I can't handle."

I raised my eyebrows and he looked completely away. Suddenly, everything about me was gone. The only thing I could think about was this kid. Images of myself as a ten year old kid getting hit ran through my mind. I wasn't about to let this kid go through the same. I gently grabbed his hand.

"You want me to fix you up?"

He slowly nodded his head.

XxX

Seeing Ben changed me a little inside. I'd been a vegetable. Unresponsive. Detached from the world. Whatever you wanted to call it, didn't matter to me. It was what I was. I don't know how, but this little kid changed me.

God, he was so small and helpless. I had no clue what he'd been through, but, to me, we wer the same person. I still needed to get out somehow. I knew that, but I couldn't just leave this kid. It was weird.

I couldn't take him back to my own house because, well, you never knew when Jack would or wouldn't be there. The last thing this kid needed was someone throwing swings at him. So, I took him to the most logical place I could think of.

The Curtis household.

I'm not sure how much they honestly appreciated it, but I brought him. Darry was fixing the little guy up. He kept moaning whenever he was switched to his right side and I worried about that kick that had been sent to his ribs. Darry looked worried to.

"Lizzy, how'd you find this kid?" he asked after fixing the mark on the back of Ben's head. Ben's eyes were red rimmed and he looked afraid. I probably would've been too, though. He had no clue where he was. It was probably uncomfortable.

I shrugged my shoulders, biting my lip.

"It's a long story."

"Well we got time."

I looked up quickly and my eyes met Soda's. I realized that it was the first time he'd seen me since the incident at the DX and, honestly, it scared me. I had no clue what he thought of me, if Two-Bit had even talked to him. He looked at me and I couldn't read his expression. I sighed and looked down.

"I was leaving and I heard him yelling. I wanted to make sure he was okay. I.." my voice trailed off as I watched their expressions. Darry raised his eyebrows and Soda looked confused.

"Leaving? Where?"

I shook my head, "I uh, I dunno," I looked at him, "Somewhere far away from here."

Soda looked at me as if I was stupid. Darry whistled low and looked at Ben.

"Hey Ben, you can stay here for the night. I can take you home tomorrow," Darry offered.

Ben nodded his head quietly and stood with Darry. They must've had a spare bed or something, because they both headed for the back.

I really didn't want Darry to take Ben home, but I knew there was no other option. The only thing that was keeping me sane was knowing I'd saved him for one more night.

I looked back up and Soda was staring at me with somewhat hard eyes.

"Soda?" I said quietly. He shook his head.

"Why would you leave?" he asked in a dangerously quiet tone. I looked at him slowly.

"What?"

"Why. Would. You. Leave?" he asked again and I looked at him like he was crazy.

"Soda, I don't have a choice-"

"What do you mean you don't have a choice? Of course you have a choice!" he got louder and I stared at him in complete shock.

"Why are you acting like that?" I asked quietly. He shook his head.

"Because, oh, _Godammit _Lizzy! I just don't get it!" he took a deep breath and continued, "How in God's name did you ever think it was okay to just drop everything and leave?"

I looked at him stupidly, "Drop what? I didn't have anything on my hands!"

"Lizzy, do you know what Two-Bit would go through? He loves you more than beer, or blondes or anything else in the entire world!"

"Why are you getting mad at me, Soda? This isn't you! I mean, I screwed up! I can't stay here!" I calmed myself slightly, "I mean, I tried to fucking kill myself ya' know! Or did you not get the news?"

Soda stopped abruptly, "What the hell are you talking about?"

I stared at him and suddenly realized he really didn't know. No one had bothered to tell him and news hadn't got around yet. Here he was getting mad at me. He should've asked. I would've at least told him a little bit of the truth. Why the fuck was he mad at me?

I was reaching my boiling point and I knew I was going to burst. Someone needed to listen and try to understand. It was all bottled up and it need to come out. I hit my breaking point.

"Yes, I'm so fucked up that I tried to fucking kill myself Sodapop Curtis!" I knew my voice was rising and I let it, "Don't you get how crazy this is for me? I'm so out of it! I don't even know what the hell I'm doing anymore and it kills me!" I started sobbing and Soda's face was plain, "You just don't understand! It sucks so bad! Everything is so fucking hard!" I let out a loud sob, " When I saw that kid, dammit Soda, I saw me! Okay? I saw me and how all this shit started for me and it's not fair! None of this is fair! I hate it, okay? I fucking hate it-"

I couldn't finish my sentence because Soda's lips collided with mine as the hot tears swam down my face. I let him kiss me and he rubbed his hands over my back. I hadn't kissed Soda in awhile and somehow it seemed like our relationship had matured even though we'd barely made contact with each other. His lips were soft and I let them dance along mine to a new rhythm, a soothing one that calmed me.

When we stopped the kiss a few seconds later he looked at me seriously.

"I'm sorry Lizzy," he hugged me as the tears continued to fall, "You can't leave, okay?"

He pulled apart and looked at me while I just stared at him. He shook his head.

"I'd miss you too much," he whispered, and I had no idea he'd felt that way. I liked him a lot. I always had. When I though of my future husband I thought of someone like Sodapop Curtis. I had never had a clue he felt the same way. Suddenly, in the time I needed it the most, I found out.

**So, there's the Soda & Lizzy for all those who couldn't wait. I'm terribly sorry for the long wait, but life gets crazy. The next chapter will be the last, but let me know if you want a sequel and I can think about it. Also, I understand the thing with Soda and Lizzy might seem a little sudden and I really hope I explained the fact that they were hiding emotions. Terribly sorry if I didn't.**

**~Review**

**-Em**


	18. Let Go

Things were looking up for once and, God, did it feel good. Soda had taken me back home after the night with Ben. It had become early in the morning when we got back and apparently Two-Bit found the note after going to the bathroom. He'd gone ballistic and he was about to leave when Soda pulled into the driveway.

I had gotten out of the car and, without walking two feet, was suddenly engulfed in the tightest hug I'd ever been given. When I'd pulled away and saw the tears in his eyes, I started to cry myself. I'm pretty sure Soda just stood awkwardly in the background.

"God Lizzy," Two-Bit said, wiping at his eyes quickly, "I thought you'd jumped on a fuckin' train or something," and I knew when he let out a struggled laugh that he was trying to be funny. The tug at my heart, though, made me realize it was all his act.

"I'm sorry Two-Bit," I'd said, quietly, "I'm so sorry."

He'd just nodded his head and hugged me again. I was scared still, but not as much. In fact, with Two-Bit's arms around me, I'd felt the safest I had in years.

The following days had been like a new life for me.

Jack no longer hung around as much. I was pretty sure he left my mom, but I would never say anything like that to her. She finally started to pick herself up a little one day while in a sober mood. Don't get me wrong, she still drank, a lot, but she seemed to be a much happier drunk then before. And a happy drunk is better than a bitter one, am I right? She got a job down at the diner. Not the best, but it always reminded her to stay sober during the day and leave drinking for the night. Two-Bit had been there for me. Him and Dally got into it, though. Dally won. I didn't care. He tried and believed _me. _

I had told him everything, though. Everything from dad dying, to my _lovely _nights at Buck's and all the way to me leaving. Every bad, good, neutral moment. Two-Bit knew it all. He didn't even try to joke, either. I saw him as the serious older brother he'd never been. He promised me that everything was going to be okay, though, and I believed him.

And then we have me, myself and I. Gosh, I don't have a clue where to begin. I started on my road to recovery, starting by telling Two-Bit the truth. I don't know. I've been feeling a lot better than I have in a long time. I don't wake up in cold sweats, I'm not afraid to be alone. Things are just…..better.

"Hey Liz," Darry greeted me as I walked into the Curtis house. I wasn't too shy anymore either. I really went over to see Soda before work. Then I went out and hung with friends. Like I said, shyness really wasn't too obvious with me. I definitely was not totally extroverted.

"Hi," I greeted as Two-Bit flew in from behind me.

"Howdy ya'll!" he hollered as he ran for the kitchen. I rolled my eyes as Soda walked out. He walked out as he was buttoning up his DX shirt. At least he had clothes. The other day he'd been walking out of the bathroom with only a towel on. I may have been less shy, but my face still got just as red.

"Hi Liz," he said, as he walked over and kissed me. He had the softest damn lips I ever felt. He always smelled like after shave, grease and peppermint. It smelled good, too. When I compared him to those sweaty guys from Buck's, he was like heaven on a boy.

"Get a room," Steve mumbled, walking past us, and I smirked. Two-Bit rolled back into the room, grinning like a mad man.

"Hey Soda-boy, when do you and Stevie plan on getting' off work?"

Soda shrugged his shoulders and looked over at Steve.

"Three thirty, right?" Steve nodded his head and smirked.

"Boss, is payin' us like we're workin' til' five, though. Dumbass don't realize we clock out early on Fridays, but he still pays us," Steve trailed off mumbling about how he wasn't ever gonna be so stupid.

"Okay then, it's settled!" Two-Bit exclaimed, clasping his hands together. I cocked an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest.

"What's settled?"

Two-Bit grinned like the Cheshire cat and slapped Steve on the back, "We're goin' down to the lake!"

XxX

I sat with Two-Bit in his car while he whistled along to the Beatles. I had my feet up on the dash and my arms crossed over my chest. My hair flew back as the wind from my open window hit it. At the moment the wind cooled the car down, but once we stepped outside we'd feel like we were on fire.

"I hate the weather here," I said slowly, crossing my right leg over my left. Two-Bit looked over and laughed.

"Why?" he asked incredulously. I shrugged and chomped down on the gum in my mouth.

"It's different everyday!" I exclaimed, "One day it's cold, then it's hot and then there's a tornado!" I huffed, "I don't like it."

Two-Bit laughed and reached over, ruffling my hair. I glared at him, causing his laughter to increase. His laughter caused me to smirk and I rolled my eyes, looking away. Eventually Two-Bit quieted down and lowered the radio.

We sat in a few moments of silence and I enjoyed the scenery. There wasn't much to look at. A few abandoned houses and grass as high as my waist, but it was something to look at.

"Hey Liz," Two-Bit said quietly. I immediately noticed how his tone had changed. I looked over at him while he stared ahead at the road. He sighed.

"Listen, I just wanted to let you know, that I'm real happy you're all better," he shook his head, "You know I wouldn't have known what to do if-"

I held my hand up to stop him, "Two-Bit, it's fine. It was a month ago. Everythings okay now. He nodded his head and loosened his grip on the steering wheel.

"I know, I know. We just didn't talk about it. You told me what happened, but Liz I just need to let you know how happy I am you're okay," he looked over at me quickly, "You know that right?"

I quickly nodded my head and brought my feet down from the dash, "Of course Two-Bit," I said quietly. I smiled and looked ahead at the road, "Everything's okay now, though," he looked over at me, "So let's let it go, huh?"

Two-Bit smiled over at me, nodded his head, "Yeah, just let it go."

XxX

I walked slowly onto the dock in front of the lake. It was dead summer and we were the only damn people at the old thing. Nobody went to the lake anymore. Nobody. The hot sun beat down on my skin, revealed by my blue and purple striped bikini. The thing was old and worn, but I loved it. Believe me, I had no clue why.

I heard someone walk up behind me and slowly slip their arms around me. There was that smell again.

"Hey there," he whispered in my ear. It cause a shiver to run up my spine and I bit back my giggle. He rested his chin on my shoulder and looked out at the lake with me.

"Hi," I replied quietly, running my finger over his hand. I could hear everyone else's voices as they got everything out of the cars. Soda took a large inhale.

"Your hair smells good," he laughed, as he nuzzled into my hair. I laughed and pushed him away playfully, finally turning around. I smiled and shook my head as he just grinned at me crazily.

"Your crazy," I said and he laughed. I thought of the irony. A month ago, I'd been calling my own self crazy. I was better now. So much better.

"Haven't you had that thing since you were like, twelve?" he asked, pointing to the piece of swimwear. I rolled my eyes, pushing him playfully.

"It was thirteen. And I'm glad to know that you're looking at my body so intensely," I smiled and he reddened a little. He shook his head a I smirked.

"No, I mean- I wasn't lookin'," he stuttered. I laughed and put my index finger on his lips.

"I was only kidding."

Soda grinned and shook his head. He quickly pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt his cold stomach against my own. I looked up at him and he pushed a piece of my brown hair, that had now grown slightly past my shoulders, out of my face.

He leaned down and his lips touched mine and I felt my smile growing within the kiss. His hand slowly rubbed on my side and I lifted my hands up so they were wrapped around his neck.

I could hear Darry yelling at Pony to grab the cooler out of his truck and Steve yelling at Two-Bit to stop bothering him. The sounds were reassuring and comforting. I knew those were sounds that would remind me I was going to be okay. I may not have been apart of their gang, but I knew being Two-Bit's sister meant they would always help me if I needed it (Well, except for Dally). I smirked as I thought about how being Soda's girlfriend helped that situation.

Soda's hand reached behind and ran over the top of my back, where he continuously rubbed. I slowly twirled my fingers through his hair.

"Hey there you two," someone said and suddenly I felt myself being pulled away from Soda. I looked and saw Darry, struggling slightly to pick up Soda and Two-Bit holding me up.

"Kid, this was a lot easier when you were ten," Darry grunted and Soda's face reddened a little. I laughed as Two-Bit let out a heavy grunt.

"I'm thinking' the same thing 'bout this girl," he was struggling a whole lot more than Darry was. I laughed and Two-Bit glared, "You think that's funny?"

I nodded, while laughing some more. He rolled his eyes and suddenly I was being thrown into the freezing water. Shock was the initial feeling. For how hot it was, I could not believe that the water was as cold as it had been. I came up from under and saw Soda splashing down beside me. I looked up at Two-Bit who was laughing along with Steve and Pony. Darry was smirking and Johnny was too. I looked over at Dally who had a smirk on his own face.

"You guys suck!" I yelled, shivering from the water. Soda nodded his head and swam a little closer to me.

"Well, if you two weren't playing tonsil hockey…" Two-Bit trailed off smirking. I rolled my eyes and threw water up at Two-Bit where it splashed him a little. He laughed and cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh, it's on!" he announced. He bent down, ready to jump, "Cannon ball!"

I screamed and watched as Two-Bit jumped in right beside me, splashing up water. I laughed and splashed him in the face as soon as he came up. He raised his eyebrows, picking me up out of the water. He threw me a few feet a way and I splashed down.

Before I knew it everyone was jumping in and splashing at each other. When they started getting rough and wrestling, I hopped out and just watched. They were all laughing, I was laughing. Everything was okay. It felt so good to say. I smiled to myself as I whispered the words over and over again.

Everyone was happy, nobody was upset. I was okay. I was great.

"Everything's okay," I whispered quietly. And finally, it really was.

**A/N: I can't believe that it's over. This story became a whole lot more than I thought it would be. **

**One last review you guys! Thanks so much for ALL of your support! It means so much to me!**


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